Since moving out, I’ve found myself in this constant state of “sheeeeiiiit." Let me explain, one minute I think “I’ve got this” and the next, well, picture me lying on the floor with a Three Musketeers wrapper next to me and a bowl of Trader Joe’s off-brand Reese's cups that I’m shoveling into my mouth. But, somehow I manage to get through those binge eating moments only to find myself at another binge eating moment. Which leads me to question whether the cycle really ends or I just learn with each failed attempt how to make the cycle work in my favor a little longer than the last time.

Neither.

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These “cycles” aren’t even cycles. They are different events, different parts of the roller coaster that I haven’t experienced before. They challenge me in different ways, and sure that sounds ridiculously obvious, but when crap just keeps happening you don’t immediately see that it isn’t connected.

My solution: get to know me.

So, to all my fellow peers and even adults who have questioned every move they make, every breath they take, wondering if The Police are watching them, this letter is for you.

Dear you,

You’re at it again. Living in your mind, not taking a step back, not thinking. No, you’re thinking, just not clearly. You’re thinking of the insignificant details, not the big picture. It’s hard to visualize it when you’re so deep in your own thoughts and emotions; so centered around yourself. Find the content you and do some digging. Did you really handle that situation the best way possible? Were you really not at fault? Are you taking responsibility for your actions or are you putting them on someone else? It’s not like you mean to do it, it’s natural, we don’t want to be flawed, but it comes with being human. Our flaws can be just as great a strength to us if we allow them to be.

You’re only as weak as you tell yourself you are. There never is a “lesser of two evils,” it’s simply a way for us to believe that out of the decisions we are making—that one of them is going to be less detrimental to to ourselves and to those around us. Sadly, reality is that no matter what decision we choose, there are going to be repercussions. Someone is going to be upset, someone won’t be all for it, and that’s just the reality. You have to stop living your life in preparation for what’s to come and instead you need to live your life for you. You need to find what makes you happy; what makes you tick. You need to grab whichever person holding you back and tell them to knock it off.

If you want to do something, then do it. If you want to be something, then do what you need to do to become that. You have to step outside the box, you need to step outside of yourself. You need to evaluate, think carefully, and respond in a manner that not only puts you in control, but keeps you in control of whatever situation it may be. Being happy is subjective. It is solely based on your life and what is important to you. Regardless of what your friends say (unless you’re doing hardcore drugs and getting into trouble constantly), you need to do what is best for you. Whatever is going to prepare you for what's to come and whatever is going to propel you towards the next step you need to take, you need to do it.

Start living your life for everything you imagined it to be. For all we know, there may be a Creator, but said Creator doesn’t control every which way you turn and every decision you make. It is purely you. You have to stop allowing outside forces to penetrate the dreams you have, and the good thoughts you have for yourself. You have to literally put the middle finger in the air to anyone who stands in your way of accomplishing what you want to accomplish. There is no “oh well, I didn’t get this gig," or “oh, they denied me." So? You got denied but that doesn’t mean you’re down and out. That doesn’t mean you’re no longer in the running for anything. You make your own opportunities, find the little light and follow it. Shit happens. It’s always going to, but it’s up to you whether you allow it to stand in your way or not. You’re not just a teenager, a fry cook, a mama’s boy; you’re whoever you want yourself to be, you’re whoever you dream of becoming and you’re the person you aspire to be one day. Don’t lose faith in yourself. You are talented, resourceful, and bright, so use those to your advantage. Don’t wait for something to happen, make it happen.

Sincerely,

Me