Life is hard, but you know that. You lived my life. You cried the same tears. You went through the exact same thing that I'm going through now. My question is, how did you make it? With everything coming down on you so hard and so fast, how did you keep going? Of course, you had your amazing ability to write, but besides that, what did you do? How did you go through your self-discovery process? I'm working my way through it right now and I'm being put to the test, let me tell ya. This isn't easy, but I guess that's how life is meant to be lived; hard, but joyful.

I've been doing this whole "living" thing for 19 years and I'm tired, if I'm being honest. I'm mentally tired and want to take a nice three-year nap. My spirit is broken and it's got so many cracks, I don't even know what I'm trying to fix anymore. But then, in all of this, I think of you.

When I reflect on my past, I think of you. When I think of the exact moment I'm living, here you come. When I think of the future, there you are. You're in New York, or Paris, whichever one you finally decided on, and you're happily drinking a nice glass of wine sitting on your balcony. You're living your best life. I used to be able to imagine your life beyond where you lived and what you drank, but that's as far as I get nowadays. I used to imagine the kids and you trying to cook, but I don't know that feeling anymore. It's like you're running away from being found; I don't blame you. You've always wanted to disappear.

I've tried everything to be like you, the person I so desperately need to save me from everything, but I can't figure out how. I've tried everything that's come to mind, but it's not clicking. I used to have my entire life planned out, but that all fell through the minute I came to college. I don't know what to expect anymore, from myself or people around me. It's like jumping from one let down to another, myself being included as a let-down, but still, I'm walking — well, more of a measly crawl now, but you get the idea.

I'm not done yet. I've got a lot of life to live, I feel it. I feel you.

You're running mighty fast (which is very rude because you know that I hate running), but I'm not giving up on the person I want to be, the person I'm becoming. I'll be living my best life, the one that's been written soon enough. I'm not giving up on you.