For the past year my self consciousness has increased greatly. I mean I have always had self esteem issues (what girl doesn't?) but it's seemed to be a lot worse than normal. You see, I dated this guy that was very hooked on looks. He always liked other girls selfies, especially pictures of girls in bathing suits. He would make comments to me like "I'm sorry babe but that girl is hot." There was snapchatting other girls, and recent contacts of girls I didn't know. There was even a dating app with him enlisted in it, and a picture of a girl's bare butt sent to his roommate group message from his phone. But you know what kind of responses I got when I would ask him about these things? "The snapchats weren't even of me." "That girl texted me but I didn't respond, I just deleted the message." "That's a fake profile of me on that dating site." "My friend sent that picture to the group message from my phone because his phone was broken." Of course I can't not give people the benefit of the doubt, so I believed him.
The excuses and activity continued..
Now let me just say this guy was not a jerk, or ever rude to me in any way. He was actually a complete gentleman and treated me better than any guy I had dated before. But when it came to outward appearance, I felt I never made the cut.
I started to think well maybe it's me. Maybe I need to work out more, maybe I need to lose some weight, maybe if I was tanner, or had longer darker hair, he would like me more. "What is wrong with me?" "Why am I not good enough?" "What can I do to make him like me more?" The answer is: There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I am more than good enough, and I don't need a guy's approval to make up my self worth.
I DO NOT have to feel this way about myself, nor do I have to put up with the things and the person that do. I am good enough. I am so so so much more than the petty obstacles I have been stumbling over this past year. I deserve to feel good about myself and I deserve to not be insecure for once. I deserve to be able to place my trust in someone who doesn't hide things from me, who is honest, who isn't full of excuses, and who doesn't make me feel like I need to compete with anyone else. I shouldn't have to question someone's thoughts and loyalty to me.
The one I really need to and can always trust is God.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
I have always been told that verse but I have never truly grasped the meaning of it until this past year. I am, and all women are, the daughter of a King who thinks we are beyond good enough, because He took the time to place every piece of us together. He doesn't think I need to work out, or lose weight, or be tan, or have longer hair. He doesn't think I need to be anyone but myself. He loves me for me, and I can come to Him just as I am. God thinks I am, and you are, good enough.
"You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7
"I will call the unloved and make them beloved." Romans 9:25
"Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong." Ephesians 2:19-22
Thank you to the guy who made me realize to whom I belong, and just so you know.. I am good enough.
