The restaurant business or the industry as insiders know it is a dog eat dog world. People hound you for the taste of the entrees, not delivering the right coffee within the appropriate amount of time and failing to dispel a natural knowledge of each amuse bouche. In this mercurial world, the underappreciated waiter and food runner can never satisfy nor cater to a every customer’s whim it seems.

As someone long retired from the restaurant and coffee scene, I still think of the golden rules at a restaurant’s core. The customer is always right, stay fast or be passed and knowing is not enough. Harsh? Perhaps. Unrealistic. Of course. But persisting in this livelihood for several thousands of adults striving to make a decent living means conditioning one’s self to overcome all the unpleasantries known as customers.

Let me recount one occasion. Walking to a usual Tuesday morning coffee shop, I order a pastry and cup of tea. The style is sit down and the menu proffered enough to intrigue. But the vibe? Not so much. The decor summed up the rustic industrial charm every downtown restaurant seem to take to. However, the attitude could not be missed. The waitress somehow left work at home and bought a “someone pissed in my cereal” demeanor. Maybe I did not order enough food to make her quota, but I sure as hell tipped enough for a measly duo of goods.

Did you catch my mistake? I tipped. Yes, I am damning myself to the industry hell by narcing on something natural to American culture. Tip your waitress. And what did she do? Nothing. No smile. Not even a thank you. Nothing. It is possible that the routine of tipping has buried itself in society’s mind as necessity even when your server sucks?

Present me remembered my past self while praying that I was never as shitty a waitress as this one who failed to bring out orders and grimaced at each customer. I hope not. A couple weeks have passed and I realized I have not tipped as much as I use to. At least not to the ones who suck. Pardon the detriment but in what world does tipping a glorified server the right thing to do?

Argue with me the servers’ level of pay and the nonexistent money. Pennies even at times. Spare me the sympathy. I have been there. I am all about the Living Wage and the Fair Wage Act some cities and states shoot for. But you have to earn it. Holding a tray and tossing the food on the table is a guarantee for return to maker and an end to repeat customers. In other words, no one wants to be treated like leftovers, so chill. Treat people how you want to be treated at a restaurant. It is not that hard to garner a smile and a genuine healthy attitude.

I did not grow up wishing to be in the service industry, much like many of my college friends. It was by necessity that we found ourselves as bartenders, bouncers, waitresses, food runners, dishwashers and whatever position availed to us. The first couple of days in the job, I was thrown into the fire and I wanted to crawl into a hole and build a wall. Actually, I never wanted to wait a table ever again. Out of sheer embarrassment, I was made to wear a “trainee” badge and carried a mini notebook when all the servers remembered any item with ease.

A competing waiter there who became a long time friend never failed to remind me how life as a “food girl”as she fondly deemed us will always be crazy and hard. Feigning a smile out of pretend deference devalues not only the customer but you as a person. Smile because the job is fulfilling and exciting, albeit the hard work. People might have the crappiest day in the world from getting a divorce message via text or receiving news of a dear relative’s passing. It does not matter. We smile not for the tips but because it is our job to be the resolute host to our guest. If in return, a patron comes back to impart their custom, then all is well. The absolute best is when someone thinks about the moment, if only for a minute or an hour where they enjoyed a delicious meal or found happiness.

This is not an encouragement to nix the tipping forever and always. It is a reminder to servers everywhere to do your job and be gracious. I was one of you and yeah it sucks a lot. But there are days where I would give anything to be in a busy environment and feel the thrill of dancing in and out of kitchens and recommending downtown sights out of towners should see. It might not seem valuable, but you are helping someone and that is not counting your employer. You are a part of someone’s day whether you like it or not.

Do not wonder why you are not making bank, servers. Wonder how the job’s benefits are not only monetary but socially valuable.Meet cool customers who share funny stories and make connections with people who might drop your name to a local business needing interns, because anyone would be delighted to have you. Bring home the experiences of an amazing day rather than the bad. And patrons, please do not feel the need to tip for a less than stellar service. Actually, let your server know nicely that this is not what customer service is. Everyone can still learn something. There is no such thing as a horrible server who cannot learn to be a good one.