As a child, you may have heard the saying (or one similar) that goes a little like this: “You cannot love someone else until you learn to love yourself!” If you are anything like me, you did everything except listen to whomever it was who told you this and you decided to find just about every flaw you could find in yourself. Up until now, when one person walked into my life and taught me the greatest life lesson I ever received, I was the exact same way.

I learned so quickly that my dad, when he told me that I needed to learn to love myself, was so right. Surprising? No, not really, he is pretty much always right so why not give him credit now! Regardless, it took someone other than my dad, to teach me that my flaws, no matter what they are, are minute to the wonderful qualities I possess. It took one person to thicken my skin - and make it so very clear that I deserve a whole lot better than what I tend to think I deserve. Same is true for you, and maybe, just maybe, I can convince some of you who read this to believe that.

To begin, I learned that never in my life will I need someone else to be there for me. While having others, such as friends, significant others, and family there to help along the way is great, it is not a necessity. There is something to be said for a person who can fully function on their own, having a wonderful support system just makes it so much better and easier.

When I finally realized that I loved myself, it was almost like I learned how to stand up for myself at the same time. Once I learned that I was worth so much more than I thought, I began to take note of how people treat me and how I react toward that. I learned this because he (the person who taught me to love myself) intentionally does not allow other people to bring him down. No matter what people thought, it was like he had armor to everything they said. While I am not sure if I will ever get to that point, I began to recognize that people who have mean things to say or people who attempt to walk all over me, should not control the way I think about myself. Confidence is the key!

Additionally, I learned to be spontaneous. While I am still organized and I will never lose that aspect of my life, I really learned to live in the moment. Loving is about giving yourself a chance to experience a certain amount of adventure in life.

Finally, I learned to believe that others love me! Odd to think of it now, but I do not really think I felt that many people, apart from my family, valued me. Wrong again! Your family and friends love you more than you will ever understand, until of course you love them just as much!

To the individuals who still believe they can love others without loving themselves, maybe you and I are substantially different, but I now have the strongest feeling that my love and genuine thankfulness for my family and friends has grown so significantly in the last few months. It is so easy to consider yourself something wonderful, which you are and see yourself as the beautiful person you have become; leading you to possess a genuine love for simply being you. We all have a place in this world and have the potential to change it in such positive ways!

With encouragement,

The Girl Who Once Didn’t Love Herself