Ever notice those moments where you needed your mother, like with maybe learning how to sew or even cook? Then there were moments where you needed your father, such as learning how each particular tool worked, and maybe even learning how to ride your bike. Unfortunately there are those of us who were unlucky and never got the chance to experience these types of moments with each parent. Like those unfortunate ones, I am included within that group.

I never noticed how different it was growing up without a father until I experienced those moments where I really needed him the most. For example, the nights my mother and I would fight, and all I wanted was someone's shoulder to cry on, but there was no one.

I think the most difficult thing growing up without a father was trying so hard not to feel sad on Father's Day. Personally, even nowadays it can be hard for me to celebrate a holiday that is all about fathers.

I can only imagine how hard it was dealing with not just one, but two young children for my mother alone. Thankfully, we had my Memere (grandmother) who helped babysit while my mom was at work, bring us home from school, and help do everything my father was not there to do.

I have always dreamed of having the daughter-father arguments that my friends who have dads have. Just to go through the experience would be a dream come true.

When I was younger I hated the thought of my younger sister having the communication and contact with her father that I did not because growing up without a father can do that to you - make you become jealous of your friends who know their dad and who have gotten close with them. Luckily for me, I was not alone; I had made friends that had the same similar misfortune. I didn't feel that alone anymore.

In present time, my mom has been dating a guy for over 12 years and I think he is the closest thing, well besides the three short years I had with my Pepere (grandfather), I've ever had to a father. He teaches me how to use tools, how to take care of my car, how to handle money, and we even have those awkward conversations about my relationship. That is something I had never received growing up. I have always been close to my mother enough to talk about that kind of thing, but it is something different coming from a dad.

When I think about the overall experience of growing up without a father, I feel sad, because I know I have missed the chance to have a great relationship with my father.

To let you in on a little secret, I have never met my father, except when I was eight months old, and now I am left to sit and wonder how I would have ended up, or how I would be if he was there instead of gone and out of my life for good.

All in all, we who don't have a father, are always left with the decision to either search for the loss or accept his absence.