I believe in something bigger than myself, but I don’t quite know what that means. Being raised in a Roman Catholic home and attending private school for the majority of my life, I’ve become accustomed to the plaid skirts, religion classes, waking up early on Sunday morning for the 11 AM mass and looking forward to receiving the Body of Christ because it means the endeavor is almost at an end, but it never meant anything to me. Going through the daily motions with people that were so deeply rooted in their faith in high school made me embarrassed to feel differently.
Time and time again, I’ve found myself pondering the question of “Does God exist?” or “Am I going to hell because I’m not sure where I stand in my faith?”, and the answer is something I’ve tried to find repeatedly in life. I’ve been told that I had to open up my life and see God, but I have never been able to do so. For me, science trumps faith, and that’s how it has always been. I never saw God in sunsets like some of my peers, nor did I see medical miracles as blessings from God. My relationship with God has been more than lacking in recent years, and little by little I’ve sought out ways to build it up.
For example, I’ve seen God work through the people I’m closest to. Some of my best friends live miles and miles away, yet the way that they live their lives inspires me to be more like them. Calling themselves Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish and more, I’ve realized God works through many people in many different, yet equally important ways. I’ve also come to realize that labeling yourself as said religions means nothing, but how you exemplify your character to others around you and the choices you make, along with your relationship with whomever or whatever you believe in, is more than okay. Even if it’s a “Hey, God, I’m here!” or you pray every morning and night and attend mass daily (or whatever your religious practices include), I’ve realized that each individual relationship people share with God is just that: individual and unique. I can’t compare my relationship with God to those around me because our relationship is one of a kind.
So for those of you who might be at a crossroad, or are struggling with your faith (or lost it completely, for that matter), it is okay to be questioning your faith life, even if everyone around you seems to be ten steps ahead of you. It is okay to wonder and it is okay to be afraid. The important thing is to determine where you stand with God and your faith, and let Him know that you are here, and you are listening because that will make all the difference in letting Him go to work in your life. Everyone has a specific plan for them, whether it be to go through a medical disaster, the loss of a loved one, being let go from a job, or moving across the country, but let someone hold your hand for the ups and down in your life, even if the grip isn’t extremely tight. Let that hand be His.
