You didn’t report. It wasn’t that big of a deal. You don’t know why you’re still focusing on it. But you feel his hands on you. It doesn’t really go away. No one knows yet, but when you tell them they’ll ask why you didn’t tell anyone sooner. Why didn’t you?
You were drunk. Or he was your friend. Maybe you were flirting with him. He bought you drinks and you danced all night. But when he pushed you against a wall and didn’t listen when you slurred the word “no” over and over, you regretted your fun. You think about it daily. Maybe he didn’t have sex with you, but he still hurt you. His wandering hands and adventurous mouth left scars that you wish you could will away.
Maybe you wanted to report, but you were afraid they would say that you were overreacting. Maybe you thought they would call you a liar. Or say that you wanted it. You’re a liar until proven otherwise, and how can you prove it? The bruises on your wrists could have come from anywhere. You can’t prove that you didn’t want it.
We teach men and women that sexual assault is holding down a person and forcing yourself inside them. There are more branches to this term that we don’t talk about. When it happens, we think it’s just an uncomfortable moment. It’s embarrassing. We ignore the emotional scars left behind. Sexual assault extends far outside of what we see in the movies. Assault isn’t always violent. It can be as quiet as the person being assaulted. It’s becoming normal for people who are assaulted to stay silent, yet those who speak up are ridiculed.
To the men and women in the shadows, I say I’m sorry. I’m sorry someone hurt you. I’m sorry if you didn’t know that what they did was assault. Even though he might not have raped you, he still violated you. It’s okay to not want to admit that. It’s okay to not be okay. But know it’s not your fault. You’re not overreacting. How you feel is real. It’s valid. No one gets to minimize what you feel. No one can make you feel guilty for staying silent or for speaking up. You are in control. So for those feeling trapped in the shadows, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that our world tells you to shut up and then criticizes you when you do. I’m sorry we only picture sexual assault as it is created in Hollywood. I’m sorry we don’t listen to you. But we will. We’ll organize. We’ll stand up when we hear you being told not to overreact. We’ll believe you when you tell us what happened. We’ll teach our young men and women what sexual assault really is and how to prevent it. We’ll work to make this a better world, so that in time those shadows will disappear, hidden by the light of our efforts.
