Three months ago, I went public with my sweet, sassy, sarcastic, and strong little sister's story. I introduced Abby, post-mental illness, but you never met my sister before our world came crashing down around us, and because of that, you don't know the loving little girl that came into my life and captured my heart all those years ago.

Abby is truly one of a kind and anyone who has the privilege of knowing her can tell you that. She is wise beyond her years and she lights up any room she walks in. She can make you laugh when you don't even want to smile and she is sincere and selfless, sometimes to a fault. She is loyal to those she loves and her energy is entirely infectious. She is kind, compassionate, and caring, and her heart is made of pure gold. She has taught me more in 15 years than most could teach me in a lifetime and there is no bond quite like the one I share with her.

So when I got the call that the same Abby jumped 20 feet out of our bedroom window in an attempt to end her life, my world completely shattered around me.

Everything I once knew and everything I thought I had adapted to was completely turned upside down at the hands of mental illness...again...and worse. Nothing in the world prepares you to receive that phone call. Nothing in the world prepares you to hear those words. And absolutely nothing in the world prepares you to watch as one of those you love most in the world drowns because you can't convince them they can save themselves just by standing up. So if you know what that is like or if you can relate on any level at all, I am truly sorry. My heart breaks for you and my heart goes out to you because I get it. I live it.

I know what it's like to be strong for not only yourself but everyone around you.

I also know what it's like to find yourself in tears wishing this would all go away. I know what it's like to tell yourself everything is going to be OK over and over again until you actually believe it, but I also know what it's like to find yourself begging God to magically make all of this stop. And what I've learned is that all of these responses are OK responses. There is no “right" way to deal with mental illness because nothing about mental illness is “right" at all. It's messy and it's terrifying and it pushes a person and an entire family to limits I never even knew to be humanly possible.

It has taken me to a deeper and darker place than I have ever been before and it has tested me in ways I never could have imagined. It has rocked me to my core and it has left me standing in the midst of complete anguish and total heartbreak. I have felt every emotion possible and I have been flooded by every feeling there is. I know what it's like to be upset and I know what it's like to be angry. I know what it's like to be confused and I know what it's like to be hurt. I know what it's like to live in fear and I know what it's like to have guilt take over your entire being. But it's when I find myself filled with these feelings and I find myself consumed by the pain, I think back to that sweet, sassy, sarcastic, and strong little girl I introduced you to just moments ago.

Because that is Abby. That is the Abby I worry about every second of every day and that's the Abby I find myself awake most nights for. That is the Abby I go to bed every night praying for and the Abby I wake up every morning looking for. That is the Abby my heart constantly breaks for and that is the Abby I so desperately want (and need.) But the thing about all of this is...that is still the Abby right in front of me.

Because behind all of that pain and under all of that heartache, I know my sweet, sassy, sarcastic, and strong little sister is still there.

And that is why, in a world that doesn't accept the mentally ill, I choose to use my voice. I choose to be open. I choose to be honest. I choose to share our story. And those of you who don't quite understand may ask why? Why be so open? Why be so honest? Why share our story? And my answer is simple. Because I choose her. I choose to stand by her. I choose to stand with her. Because my sister is more than a number. My sister is more than a statistic. And I refuse to let her story go by as just that. She deserves better. My family deserves better. She deserves acknowledgment. My family deserves acknowledgment.

Those of you facing similar struggles deserve better. Those of you facing similar struggles deserve acknowledgment. So for whoever needs to hear it, your pain is valid. Whatever you're going through is valid. Whatever you're feeling is valid. Because you are valid. You are brave. You are beautiful. You are strong. But above all else, you are LOVED. And that is something that no one can ever take from you. So if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, hold on. Reach out. Get help. Do whatever it is you have to do. But don't give up. Don't stop fighting. And never lose hope.

"Because when you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go in spite of it all. And so today, I still have a dream."

My dream is that one day, we will live in a world that accepts the mentally ill. But until then, please keep praying and never stop talking. Because mental health matters.

You matter.

And you are never alone.

So to those who have lost their battle with mental illness, those still fighting, and whoever has been affected along the way, I hear you. I see you. I stand with you.