This is to anyone that has been affected by someone with an addiction:

Know it is OK to be mad. It's OK to feel whatever it is you're feeling. To feel that pain, betrayal, the stinging in your heart, to hate them, to cry, and to be so mad you want to scream. And then it is OK to scream. It's OK if you want to yell and shout into oblivion and let that all out. It's OK to mourn the person that's no longer there anymore because we all know once the addiction takes over, that's not them anymore. That is all normal and it's perfectly acceptable to feel that way, whatever way it may be. I know I felt all of that.

I can't tell you how many times I cried and begged for this to all be one big nightmare. I prayed to God every night to let me wake up and let things to go back to the way they were before, but I knew rationally it never would. Once addiction enters your life, it never really leaves. Yes, it gets better for some time, but it never truly goes away. Relapse always seems to come time and time again no matter how much better they are doing.

I know my heart broke when I found out and understood what addiction exactly meant and entailed. I knew that wasn't the same person I once knew and loved anymore. I knew that person was gone and replaced with someone who has one goal in mind now: to get and achieve that high again no matter what it takes. It didn't matter if it meant they had to lie, cheat, steal, backstab, or whatever, they just knew that they have to fulfill that urge and craving.

I learned very fast that they will say whatever I want to hear to get me to help them or get me off their back. Sadly, that also meant I could never trust them and had to take everything said with a grain of salt. But, you need to remember that's not them.

This is a new person. This is no longer your brother, sister, mom, dad, friend, cousin, whoever, this is someone who's ill. This isn't the person you once knew and loved so, so much. This is someone who may now be a thief, criminal, manipulator, and I get you want to help them, but this isn't someone who is rational anymore. This is someone who will do whatever it takes to feel that high, to get rid of that pain, someone who will hurt the people that love them most to get their drug of choice. And you can't enable them and I know that hurts. I know how bad it is to watch them suffer and maybe even slowly die in front of you, but that's the only way to possibly save them.

Ironic, isn't it?

You may need to watch someone you love and care for slowly kill themselves to save them and there's nothing you can do. You just have to watch and wait for them to hit that all-time low so you can hopefully see their highs again. Just hopefully pray that they'll get so low and desperate that'll they'll finally be ready for help and be ready to get clean this time, but you can't get your hopes too high. No, because they say they're ready so many times, but if you get too excited that this might be the time things will finally be different, you'll only be hurt and let down again and you know you can't go through that again.

You can't even lend them those few dollars or comfort them and pretend things are OK because it's not OK. You know they are not alright. You need to be blunt with not only them but yourself. You have to realize that yes, you do love them, but they may not be ready for help and you need to take care of yourself and protect yourself until they are. Lend a hand, but only when they are ready to fully take it.

Cutting them out of your life isn't selfish either. You can't keep putting your life on hold for them. You have your own life to live and yourself to take care of. You can't help anyone when you're broken yourself. How they are doing cannot dictate how you are either. Because no matter what, you still have your bills, life, family, and things to take care of and life won't stop just because they are falling apart.

Addiction is a lifelong thing once it takes hold of someone, and because of that, you just need to celebrate the small things. And I mean no matter how small because accomplishments are accomplishments at this point and they may be the only thing keeping anyone involved going. Also, those good memories you make when they are sober, hold onto those. The person you once loved is still in there somewhere. The addiction can't totally get rid of all they are.

I know it hurts, and sometimes that means you need to love from a distance and that's OK. I'm not going to sugar coat this and tell you it will all get better eventually because it won't always, but it does get easier to deal with. Reach out for help if you need it. Addiction affects everyone around, never just the user. Getting help never means your weak, it takes a strong person to realize they need it.