Dear Stranger,
I still remember the last time I saw you. I remember hugging you on my sixteenth when you walked through the door, I remember a smile spread from ear to ear because it was always a good time when you were around. I remember laughing at your jokes and laughing even harder when you would burst into a high pitched laughing fit and I couldn't contain myself, so I laughed along with you. I remember every little detail about you, not just your appearance but the way you were as a person, the way you were as a part of my family.
I remember the day my father told me we wouldn't be seeing you anytime soon. I remember the look in his eyes of pure loss and defeat, and I remember not understanding why.
I remember the feeling I had when you didn't show up to Thanksgiving that year. I asked about you, but no one knew what to say. There were no words to describe the pain it felt to lose someone who was still alive.
I remember the birthdays that followed, I remember the absence of you at each one. I remember wondering how you were doing, and I remember wondering if you ever thought about me.
I remember trying to reach out to you and I remember never hearing back. I remember the day my brother came home with the same look of defeat my father had the day you left this family. My brother's look of defeat was from when you slammed the door in his face at eighteen and told him he could no longer be a part of your life.
I remember the day my admiration for you turned into hatred and the day it dissipated into disappointment. I remember putting together all the times I would walk into a room and the yelling would stop and a silence would fill the room until I left.
Next month will mark four years since the last time I saw you. I went to prom, twice, I graduated high school, I got accepted into college, and now I'm almost done.
I still remember your face, your personality, and your laugh, but I no longer smile when I think about it. The tears that fall when I think about you are the furthest thing from the joy you used to bring me.
At twenty years old, I now understand that no family is perfect, and that you leaving us is not that out of the ordinary, but it doesn't hurt any less. You left me at sixteen and I hope that one day soon, you'll see me at twenty and realize you missed out. You'll see how much I've grown as a person, you'll see that as much as I miss you each and every day, I now know that I can go on without you.
I hope you are happy with the life you chose and know that I think about you. Know that I will always love you and be thankful for the memories you gave me. I wish you nothing but the best in your future that I will never get to be a part of.
Sincerely,
The Family You Left Behind
