I imagine your hair being that jet dark black color just like dads. I imagine you having his long naturally curled eye lashes that I don’t. I imagine your eyes being big and brown just like mine. I bet you’re short, but that’s just a guess. I wonder if you’re dark in complexion. Do you have curly hair like me?

I want you to know that I have always wanted a sister. I want you to know that not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what it could’ve been like. I want you to know that dad loves you and has always loved you. He mentions you every birthday and he even tried looking for you a few times. I know you probably won’t ever see this or believe me if you ever do, but I just want you know.

I wonder if you ever thought about me. I wonder if you hate me. Although dad didn’t mean to leave you for us, he did. He told me your mom took you away from him, and I believe him. I know you were confused, because I would’ve been. For what it’s worth, I wish I could’ve been there with you. I just want you to know.

I miss you so much, even though we only met once. I hope you’re happy, I pray for it all the time. I know you changed your name and I can’t say I blame you. You’ll always be one of us though and we’ll be here whenever you need, big sister. I just want you to know.

Sometimes dad favors our brothers because he can relate better to them, and I wish you were here. So you could tell him something smart about women’s rights that I would soon learn too, like big sisters do. I wish you could’ve told me that my first heartbreak would heart, but it wouldn’t be the last one. I wish you could’ve told me that my friends would betray me, but I didn’t need friends because I always have you. But I know if you were there you would’ve and there’s some comfort in that.

I hope that although you didn’t have me, you had someone to do that for you. You deserved that. You also deserve love and to be loved. I’m sad I won’t be in your wedding and you mine. You would’ve definitely been my maid of honor because I know we would’ve been great friends.

I just want you to know that you’re in my heart, forever. Although we have never officially met, I know someday we will. If you ever see this, don’t hesitate to track me down. Mariah, although I don’t know you, I love you and I just want you to know.