To the person who made me a part of all the statistics.
I am worth more than you made me feel.
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One in four girls have been the victim of sexual assault by the time they turn 18.
I believed you when you said it was going to be okay.
That was before I realized that your intentions were more than my young mind could handle.
You looked me in the eye and told me you were sorry after you snatched my innocence from me faster than I had the chance to fight back.
I didn’t understand and I still don't, but I do blame you every time I wake from a dead sleep crying from the nightmares I had just had. I blame you for all the missed opportunities because I was too vulnerable to take any chances at life. I blame you for the circumstances I still am not able to accept. I blame you for the failed relationships. I blame for the way I can't get to close to someone without pushing them away. I blame you for the trust issues. I blame you for the pain I feel when I happen to have a flashback of those times. I blame you for a lot of things but most importantly, for the feeling I get when I think about how things could've been if I wasn't a victim of you.
I am worth more than you made me feel growing up. I am more than the girl who stood in that court room feeling humiliated by the strangers listening to the despair in my voice. You tore me down but not forever. I am more than just another person added to the statistics. Living with this reality is something that took a long time to get used to. It's heartbreaking, it's tough, it's unimaginable.
Although you made me feel worthless, you took away my innocence, you ruined my life, and you think it's okay. You walk around this earth every day with this on your conscious, you and I are the same, we have the same rights, the same opportunities. I will never understand why you did this to me or how you can be okay with yourself after tearing someone's life apart. It makes me sick to think about.
Sometimes I think about how lucky I am to have survived this. Lucky to be able to move on from this and become a better me because of it. Not all girls get the chance to get away from this and live a life after something like this.
So dear you,
I refuse to let my past become a part of my future. I refuse to label myself as a victim of you. I refuse to walk around every day feeling sorry for myself. I refuse to continue to feel as worthless as you once made me feel. I refuse to let this define me. I refuse to walk away from this feeling weak.
I deserve to be strong. I deserve to be able to use my experience and take the good out of it, take the strength it took to get past this. I deserve to be happy, just like you. I get the chance to make something of myself, just like you.
You made me feel worthless. You made me feel weak. You made me feel hopeless. You made me feel resentful. You made me feel like it wasn’t worth living. But out of all that you made me feel strong. Strong enough to get past it, strong enough to share this tragedy with others and not feel bad for myself. Strong enough to get out of bed every day and continue to follow my dreams. Strong enough to be the person that I always knew I could be before this.
Dear you,
This won't overcome me. I am stronger than you ever thought I was and I am worth so much more than you made me feel.
