I believe I stopped loving myself a long time ago. I lacked confidence and pride in myself, whether that be based on my looks, personality, intelligence, or abilities. Losing the love you have for yourself is the worst kind of heartbreak because at that point, you being to lose faith in yourself. Constantly comparing myself to others is something I was very, very good at in the past. That is until recently when I met someone my first semester at college.
Going through high school, I made my fair share of mistakes and bad decisions, just as any other teenager would. The only difference between myself and others, I allowed those mistakes to have an effect on how I viewed myself. I let my past define me, ultimately making me be utterly unhappy with who I am and I lost myself. I convinced myself what people were always saying about me were the truth, when they really weren't close to it.
Moving away to college away from my past seemed to be the best way to get a clean slate. A new start. It was a time that I could go somewhere that no one knew me or my past, no one would judge me so harshly for my mistakes, and I could meet new people to help me adjust to this new lifestyle.
I'm blessed to have met someone that would help me with all of this. Who is helping me find myself again, and teaching me to love myself again in a way I've never known was possible. I'm finally realizing that is it okay to put my happiness first for once. It's okay to put myself first over constantly sacrificing things for people who don't appreciate it. Also, that it is okay to make mistakes. That is only if I learn from them, grow from them, and leave it in the past. My past does not define me. My past was the old me, but this is the new me.Happier me.
This person has made me embrace my flaws. I use to view all my flaws and imperfect. But I'm finally realizing that all of these imperfections make me who I am. My body is not where I want it to be, but I am not ashamed of it. I'm confident in my own skin for once and that is the biggest thing I have disliked about myself for the longest of times.
I'm no Ivy League student and I'll be the first to admit that. I'm the worst procrastinator and have trouble studying for longer than fifteen minutes. I'm thankful I have someone in my life that pushes me and encourages me to better myself in this part of my life, and who will be there every step of the way from my crying over a bad test score, or getting frustrated when I'm struggling with homework.
I found someone that accepts and embraces my love for Harry Potter, just as much as I do. Someone that doesn't judge me for my past mistakes, and only focuses on the "now" moments. This person likes me for who I am, and I don't need to put on a new face or and act for them to do so. They build me up, and never break me down like I use to do to myself.
xoxo Mir
