To the Person I Am,
I remember the girl you were, but now she seems so unrecognizable and so unfamiliar. Being you was once cool, and a moment would never pass where you weren't sure of what you wanted or especially what you deserved; now it seems like just the opposite. I remember you being so comfortable in your skin, that it didn't matter who you were around, it only mattered what was inside of you. I remember you being okay with not being perfect because it only mattered that you tried and never that you succeeded because you always knew the winner you were — you were you and that was enough. It wasn't so hard to wake up in the mornings and look in the mirror because it was refreshing, and you knew that the day ahead of you would be nothing short of magnificent.
But as the days get shorter, and the nights get longer, darkness really does fill you, and I know how incredibly hard you are on yourself. This new you — so cold, uninviting, angry towards yourself. I wonder how you became this way and when you decided you weren't deserving of all the wonderful parts of your life. I wonder when you stopped feeling worthy of happiness and laughter and the amazing feeling being cared for — especially by yourself. Your love for others never ceases to amaze me, and I am both proud and astonished of how you have never grown out of that aspect, but I only wish you could treat yourself with the love you have for people.
Looking out into the world as the old you, so vast yet so vivid, only filled your head with ideas of travel, adventure, and possibilities. Now, only a slim margin remains, and you see what's right in front of you and only that. I wish you knew how talented you are, and how smart your mind is. I wish you wouldn't dwell on old friendships that didn't work out, and blame yourself for never having found love yet; you are so young and so capable. The masks you wear are so not you and definitely not anything as wonderful as your eyes when they light in the face of opportunity.
I just want to say that it is okay to feel broken and so totally okay to feel lonely and to feel like you have nothing together. It's okay to question your college major and to think about happiness in other places. It's okay to not like something and to say no to people. It okay to do the things you want to do, even though the society you live in may not agree. It is okay to not be okay.
But it isn't okay to resent and to feel less than. It's not okay to blame yourself and to feel as though you cause more trouble than good. You are wonderful in so many ways.
As you embark on this new year that is just around the corner, remember these words and feel your heart transform. Allow change to take place, and work on these things you have felt. Remind yourself that love is in sight, happiness is in reach, and the person you are is always in your heart of hearts. Never be scared of the life that is inside of you.
Sincerely,
The Person You Were
