To the people that make me feel small:
One of the biggest lies I have ever been told was through a quote I sang as a kid: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
I'm not sure if this sounds familiar to anyone, but it was one of those things I told myself (and was reminded by others) frequently.
As a kid, whenever someone would be mean or say something about someone's clothes, for example, it would always be a gentle reminder, "sticks and stones". It was something we bought into, making us feel invincible to people's words—or at least that is what was supposed to happen.
Unfortunately for me, words cut like a knife, and yours cut the deepest.
We are always told that "our worth is more than a word" and "don't let people define you," but I have found (and often continue to find) it hard to not let you define me. It is hard to remind myself I am valuable and beautiful and beloved when you are offering words that sting deep in my soul.
Because of you, I have been pushed to a place where I want to hide and run away and cry.
For a long time, I let you win. I let you define me. I let myself think I owed you something, and had to be a certain way or look a certain way to make you like me more. I took your words and glances and snickers to heart and let them make me feel weak. For a long time, I looked into a mirror and all I saw was how I assumed you thought of me. I saw words you said written across every inch of my body and when I thought about my personality, I imagined myself in the way you made me feel.
But never again.
Today, I am choosing me.
From this day forward, I am seeing myself in a way that is strong. I am actively choosing to see my efforts (big and small) and let them be my motivation.
I will no longer look at myself as weak and worthless. I will not let you push me into a place that feels dark and lonely.
When you make me feel small and glance at me like only you can, I will kill you with kindness. I will make you feel like a giant and with my actions, I will change your mind about me. I will prove you wrong.
I will prove that I am smart, working to be a person worthy of my calling, happy, competent, stable, and someone that you will want to be proud of.
I will be independent and in love with the Word. I will be engaged in scripture and seek my worth from the one who makes all things good.
I will believe in myself and strive for a me that is life-giving and confident. I will find joy in little moments, and never again will I buy into the lie that I am less than what I have been created to be.
If you are in a place, believing you are anything less than a masterpiece, stop. It may be harder than it sounds, but make a conscious effort to choose you. Be the you you were created for. Be a you that is worthy of your calling. Believe in yourself and love exactly who you are.
You deserve it, and you are worth it.
- Lauren
