It's been three years.
Three years since I last saw you smile, 3 years since I last heard you laugh, 3 years since you told me you loved me, 3 years since I hugged you.
It's been three years, and time doesn't seem to heal all wounds.
They say when someone passes away that time will make it better. Though time has made it more bearable, it certainly hasn't made it easier. I still miss you so much my heart physically hurts. I still find myself reaching for the phone to tell you good news. When I got engaged the first thing I did was reach for my phone to call you and scream the good news. I had to stop and remind myself, like I have every time for 3 years, that you won't be there to answer. I still find myself thinking you're just a few minutes away at your house, but then reality sets in and I know you're much further than that.
It's hard to think that you won't be at memorable events like I always pictured. Ever since I was a little girl I imagined my pawpaw walking me down the aisle to the man he gave his approval to. I imagined my mawmaw fixing my flowers and crying (like she never did in public) as I walked down the aisle. I know how proud you would have been to see me graduate high school, being the first to do so in our family. I can't begin to imagine graduating college and not seeing you in the crowd. I know how proud you two were of me, you were my biggest fans, and I know how much this would have meant to you. Seeing me reach the goals you knew I was capable of. Knowing you won't physically be there rips my hearts to shreds. I know you'll be watching from above with love and smiles, but knowing I can't hug you on these days still stings to think about.
You meant so much to so many people. So many people told me so many kind words and stories about you. I mean, I already knew you were amazing, but this was so touching to me. You touched so many peoples lives.
I never thought I would lose you. You were invincible to me, nothing could hurt you. I thought you would be here forever, and having the harsh reality of that not being true hit me so hard. I woke up one day and you weren't here, and I lost a part of myself in losing you.
Even though I keep going on about this sad stuff, I know that's not what you would want to hear. You would want to hear about all my successes and great things that have happened. You always wanted me to look at the bright side, and I've learned to do so every day.
If I could tell you what's happened since you had to go, you wouldn't believe me. So much has changed since you've been gone, but it feels like you know it all. You may be gone from this world, but you're still very much alive in my heart. I may not be able to talk to you, or call you, or even hug you, but I never feel alone knowing you're my guardian angels.
I miss you.
