We all make mistakes, but some of them haunt you and you never get a chance to make up for that.

I never meant to let things get to this point. The point where I run scared and you have to heal like I'm trying to now.

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I guess I'll never understand why I did what I did. I panicked in a moment, and of what? What I thought was too good to be true. I panicked in a moment of happiness. People don't realize this happens, but it does. You get so scared of not letting these moments live on for a million reasons. Maybe it's because you don't think you deserve them, or maybe you don't believe it could even be real. Because who on earth would stand by you, your crazy ass when life is already crazy enough? I guess I just didn't believe it could be that way.

And for all the other reasons I tried to fill my mind with, which now make no sense at all. I am sorry.

You don't realize what you have until it's gone, and it sucks. The moment you were gone I already knew. But I just didn't know how to tell you. By now you have healed and moved on, but I am here left with these thoughts of regret in never knowing why...why I did anything that I did. And I will live with that, but for every moment I could never speak up, here are my thousands of apologies now.

For every person reading this and think they can't relate, stop lying to yourself. This personally might not even be my story, but it is a story that needs to be heard. Heard by all. Because at some point in time you have or will feel this way to some extent. It isn't the most uncomfortable of emotions and it definitely won't be the worst you'll over come. But it hurts like hell and having that one person speak up with the words you have played over a thousand times in your head, may be in fact what saves you. So here I am, saying all the words you wish you would have the courage for.

Take them, use them. Let this be the light you have been searching for to say what you really feel. Don't let the feelings lock, find beauty in the darkness of your thoughts and let them be heard. Nobody understands that the feeling of heartbreak often helps strengthen your heart later on and can lead to fulfillment.

And with the courage to say these things, your apologies, rather they matter or not, will help you feel clear. Set aside the fear of what they may say back and understand that isn't the core purpose of your words. You will find a way to heal your heart in time, and forgive yourself for not speaking up before it was too late. The only way to start to even heal a crack is filling it with steps. This is your first step.

So don't let this be known as the one who got away, your fears were valid at the time even if they might not be now. Let it be known as the one you let go of, they may come back like the tide always does, and they may not. But don't let the one you let go of be the reason you can't grasp another, that is true with anything in life, not just people. If you think of them as the one who got away, then you will always continue to chase. If you let go, then you can start anew. So let this be that start of that for you. Let go of your emotions and fear that is caging you in just as you did them. You can be free.