I've always felt like I had a close relationship with God. Although I've never been a fan of church, I never let that affect my relationship with Him. I talk to God when I'm happy, I talk to Him when I'm sad, I talk to Him when I'm nervous, and sometimes I fall asleep at night just telling him about my day. God has always been my best friend, and my faith has never faltered, until recently.
The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life. It seemed like each day was a new obstacle, a new battle that I had to overcome. And more often than not, I felt like those obstacles overcame me. I tried to keep a level head through it all, and I prayed every night that somehow things would get better for me. But as the weeks went on, I felt like things only got worse. I felt like my prayers were unanswered, and I started thinking that maybe I deserved this life. One night, as I laid in my bed with tired eyes and heavy breathing from crying all day, I found myself asking the question, "where is God?" I was angry. I wanted to know why I was always taught to pray if my prayers would never be answered. I wanted to know why God saw me suffering and did nothing about it. I wanted to know where God was.
I struggled with this for a few days... I continued to be angry at myself and at God, until one day I came across a page full of bible verses on Pinterest. The first one I read was John 13:7, which says, "You don't understand what I'm doing now, but someday you will." The verse right below it was Matthew 28:20, which simply states, "I am with you always." This completely changed everything. I know that I was supposed to read those verses at just the right time. I realized that God does see our struggle and he does hear our prayers, but sometimes what we are praying for isn't what we need. He is always working on something bigger. He has a plan, and nothing that we can do or say or pray for can change the plan that God has for us. When I realized this, it was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "I am with you always," reminded me that, although I cannot see Him, God will never leave me, even in the toughest times. Although we may not know what the reason is, there is always a reason for everything God does.
I felt the need to share this because I know that I am not the only one who has ever been in this place. My falter in faith led me to build an even stronger relationship with God. So if you are struggling right now just like I was, just remember that He has a plan for you, and His plan is greater than any you could ever imagine.
