Being in a relationship with someone who is already in another relationship is craved by many. We all know that relationships have their ups and downs. You know that you can relieve his/her stress by keeping them distracted and by being there for them in a friendly flirtatious way. For now, it's your little secret; a secret no one else shares. They tell you they're going to leave them to be with you; you feel butterflies and excitement because, finally, you have someone that wants you. As the days go on, you decide to tell your closest friends because you can't keep the secret to yourself anymore, though you still fear being judged.
Once the secret is out, you acknowledge that maybe what you're doing is wrong, but it still doesn't change how you feel about them. You know they're only happy with you but you convince yourself that you understand why they're still with them; so you stay.
Why do you stay? Why do you put yourself in a situation where the outcome is going to be disastrous? Why do you think you even deserve to have them? For all you know, all they've been telling you could be just words. It's a one-sided story: theirs.
How can you sleep at night knowing that you are the potential cause for an end of a relationship?
You can make all the excuses in the world, you can say you don't know why, but you know what? You do know why! You just can't face it. There's always a reason for why things are done. An explanation.
You are loved, respected, and admired by those close to you; though your actions have caused those that care for you to view you differently. We try to guide you, but you tell us that it's not like what it seems, that we're just being too judgmental.
Are we? If looking out for what's best for you, telling you that you deserve more than what you are getting, and warning you of the repercussions of your actions is categorized as judgment then honey you have your priorities messed up.
Your actions not only affect you, but those around you. This is a small world; everyone knows someone. Believe it or not many will view you as a homewrecker without knowing the full story; but they know enough. They could even assume that those that are closest to you are just the same and that's not fair to them. Most won't stand to have their reputations destroyed because of the actions of their friends. Actions they have no control over. So they leave.
In the end, the one that gets hurt every time is you. You might hurt your friends but they won't stay around while you destroy yourself. Advice will only go as far as the other person is willing to follow it.
If this is because of your need to feel loved and wanted, this shouldn't be the way to do it. You are cared, loved, admired, and respected by those close to you. You have someone on this Earth who is single and waiting to be with someone amazing as you. Before that can happen you need to find the will to love yourself, empower yourself to make good decisions, and not let yourself go as low as being the other women/man.
If this is the only way for you to be happy and feel good about yourself, then I'm sorry to say this, you will never find true happiness. Don't be surprised if we aren't in your corner anymore. There's only so many times you can say "I told you so." All we want is for you to be the best of you. Then again, maybe we are being too judgmental.
With all of our hearts,
The friend who cares.
