You.
You are still my favorite yet most painful story for me to tell.
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We haven’t spoken in a while and while I do not think of you constantly, I would be lying if I claimed you never cross my mind. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I had never met you, because it would be far easier for me to go about my life without the knowledge of there being someone like you out there. But most of the time, this is not my train of thought. There are no words I can use to describe how I felt about you, just know that I am both better and worse because of you.
Better because I learned many lessons:
I learned what it felt like to be scared to lose someone, and consequently how it feels when you really do.
I learned that I am capable of being both wild and peaceful, all at once.
I learned that the strongest beauty within people can a lot of the time be unconventional.
Worse as you made me feel weak:
After you, I knew what it felt like to be given up on.
I knew that people can change their minds unbelievably fast (that "I love you" sure did change quickly.)
I knew that I should not be living for or be reliant on anyone other than myself, because sometimes people leave just as everything is falling apart.
I knew that you would not be able to love me enough to get us back to the way we were.
And while I am still learning how to love the parts of myself that you threw away, I am not sad, nor regretful. Instead I catch myself thinking; if we met at another place, another time, would anything be different? Perhaps we wouldn't have let it end how it did; messy and fragmented. All that is left is thought.
“Maybe one day years from now, we’ll meet in a coffee shop in a far away city somewhere and we could give it another shot.”
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
