I’ve come to the conclusion that I must not have slept in high school. I really don’t know how I did it.
I was a three-sport athlete, class officer, student council member, in every club possible, and had over 300 hours of community service logged. I woke up every morning, made myself look presentable, and walked through the doors of my high school with a smile. I had a carefully packed healthy lunch, that fit perfectly in my over-sized backpack, in which carried my excessive number of textbooks I read every night along with my color coded notebooks for each section. My agenda book was clearly and concisely written in, including my homework, activity, and work schedule. In one hand I carried my lacrosse bag that I checked every night, and in the other hand a huge water bottle with sliced lemon, cucumber, and mint.
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Seriously, who has time to fill up a water bottle in the morning let alone with sliced fruit?
Fast forward two years, and I couldn’t even tell you today’s date unless I looked at my watch that I check once every three minutes. I see my agenda book sitting on my desk with scribbles, circles, stars and highlight marks everywhere. I show up to class in the sweatpants I wore to practice that morning with a vest to cover the stain on my sweatshirt. My hair is in a messy bun with a headband to attempt to hide the frizz. I have circles under my eyes that must have not started appearing until college because I look like I haven’t slept in three years, even though I slept a record-breaking seven hours last night. My notes are no longer well written and highlighted, but at this rate, at least I’m here taking notes. I’m involved in a lot on campus, but not nearly as much as I was in high school. After I take a nap and eat my fifth Hershey bar, the guilt sets in. WHO EVEN AM I?
If you are feeling this same "what have I done with my life" type of guilt, here's what you have to realize:
You are a totally different person than you were in high school. You probably live in a different place, have different friends, and certainly have a new course load.
It's time to let go. It's okay not to be the person you used to be. It's time to stop holding onto a reality that is no longer there. To let go of the obsession with grades and doing it all. Set goals for each day, if you meet them, great, If not, don't be too harsh on yourself. At the end of the day, if you don't you're going to self implode.
In life, you have two choices: to crash and burn or to keep going.
