I have 2 children, ages 5 and 1. They both are the lights of my life. For a majority of their lives, I have raised them by myself. Their dad is constantly on deployments, training or underway. I've written before about suffering with PPD, and how it directly affected my life. When living with PPD, it not only affected me but also my marriage, my children, and my work. However, what if you don't have PPD, and you still struggle?
This article is for ALL mothers, depressed or not, who have felt like giving up.
I know what it's like to do everything you can to make sure the house is clean, make sure the kids are bathed, fed, and happy. I know what it's like to try to squeeze in a 5 minute shower, because if you don't now, then you'll have to try to do it tomorrow, or risk falling asleep in the shower and injuring yourself. I know what it's like to fall asleep leaning against the shower wall, because you got no sleep the night before, and still had school work to do. I know what it's like to have to decide between sleep, school work, or cleaning.
Usually, I get about 3 hours of sleep per night. I know what it's like to get everything done, then see the sun start to come up and realize it's time to wake up the oldest to get ready for school, and then having to start all over again.
Being a mother is exhausting.
Being a mother is beautiful, and amazing, and exhausting.
Being a mother is always putting the needs of others above your own. It's hectic, and time consuming.
I have felt like giving up on so many different occasions. I wish I could just sit down while the kids aren't here, and watch TV all day, and not do anything like I did when I had a full-time job, and didn't go to school. However, that's no longer an option.
There are times at least once per week, where I sit on my couch, completely exhausted. My hair's going crazy because it hasn't been washed in a couple of days (those 5 minute showers only give time to wash the body), it hurts to move, I don't want to study, or talk to anyone. I just want to sit in silence and soak it in. In those moments, I feel like giving up.
If I just gave up school, and let the house be a mess, and I ordered food instead of cooking, I could get a break. Then this realization hits me: These kids only have one mother. They deserve one who gives them a good home, who works hard to make sure their future is set, who gives up sleep to make sure they get an amazing life.
To the mom who feels like giving up: You are not alone. You are a good mother. You are risking yourself, to ensure your children have the best life you can possibly offer. It is okay to take a break. Leave the toys on the floor, do homework in the evening instead of while the kids are at school and daycare, and take a long nap. Your children need you, and they appreciate you, even if they can't tell you themselves. You are strong, and you are amazing. There are bad mothers in this world, and you are not one of them. Keep doing what you're doing. In the end, the children will always remember the risks their mother took, to ensure they had an amazing life.
