I was 7 years old when you decided to steal my whole childhood away from me. Of course, at the time I had no clue I was “molested,” but as I grew up, I knew what it meant. At 14 years old, I had to describe every painful detail over and over again to everyone who needed to know. every.horrific.detail. I bet you wish I never had that friend convince me to tell my parents. Honestly, I wish I wouldn’t have told either. Why? Because my life was ruined. I lost family. I lost friends. I lost my childhood.
I used to talk about my childhood being happy and full of sunshine and positive memories. However, since I came to terms with what happened, when I think of my childhood I can only think of that. YOU stole that from me. My childhood should be full of happy memories, but now it’s full of guilt, shame, and brokenness. How could you do that to me? How can you let the whole family believe it was all a lie? Now, not only did I lose my childhood, I lost my family. I lost myself along the way, as well. It was turned around on me. "How could I allow it to happen? Did it even happen? I think you are lying. You don’t know what happened. It didn’t happen that way” I couldn’t tell my story too loud. It was swept under the rug. I cannot trust people, because of you. I’m scared to be in a room with a boy still to this day. Even some doctors scare me.
You were the reason all my depression and worthlessness started. I still have flashbacks which cause me to wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying. I hated you for it. You made me question my worth. I wanted you dead. I hated you for the way our family treated me. I hated you for playing the victim, when I was the victim. I never even got an apology.
But I forgive you. It took years for me to finally be able to forgive you. I forgive you for stealing my childhood. I forgive you for clouding all the good memories of my childhood. I forgive you for making me feel worthless. I forgive you for ruining my innocence. Let me say this though: I forgive you for me, not for you.
