Every girl has been through a break up, and most women eventually go through THAT break up. The one where even your friends, Ben & Jerry’s, and 13 hours of Netflix can’t fix—the break up that leaves you feeling unlike yourself for months and causes you to wonder if you’re worthy of love or if you’ll ever even find it. The one that leaves you crying silently with physical pain in your chest, even months later. I’m talking about the break up that changes you, forever. We all go through it, and (eventually) we all get through it. The circumstances are different for everyone, but the feeling of heartbreak is relatable for almost everyone.

After my traumatic break up that left my world turned upside down, I gathered myself and continued living my life the best I count. I eventually figured out my new normal. I learned how to once again become comfortable with doing things by myself and for myself. I had to remember how to cook for only one, and I had to really soul-search to convince myself I will try again at love one day, although that was the furthest thing from my mind. I wasn’t searching for a partner, and I didn’t care if I found one. I knew it would happen one day. I was just really learning how to love myself again when that “one day” eventually came, and I met a guy. The guy.

If you’ve been through a life-altering break up, you know what I’m talking about when I say that starting a new relationship afterwards-whether weeks, months, or years later- is almost as difficult as the actual break up was. You have doubts about trust, if it will last, if you can allow yourself to potentially be hurt again, if you want to go through introducing him to your family because you don’t want to have to answer a million questions if it doesn’t work out. The goal of any relationship is to last forever, and sometimes that just doesn’t happen. However, one day, a tall, blonde glass of milk comes to your game night and you meet the love of your life. At least, that’s how it happened for me. However your glass of milk poured itself, you knew that glass of milk was special.

It takes an understanding, compassionate man to bare with a woman while she is still learning to be herself and repair pieces of herself that have been damaged. It takes a strong, kind, and loving man to look at a broken woman and choose to love her back to a better version of herself. *Disclaimer: a woman does not need a partner to make her better.* Having a man fully know that you are not in your best condition but still choose to be with you, to help you recover, to suffer from the insecurities that someone else instilled in you.. that’s a man worth having.

Loving yourself is a lot easier when there’s someone to tell you and show you how worthy of love you are. It’s easier to look in the mirror and say, “hey, I really am an awesome person” when you have someone who consistently tells you how great you are, especially after spending so long being convinced the opposite. Having a man who reassures you every day makes it easier to be more trusting and confident. Having a man show you affection makes it easier to believe that love is something you deserve to have. Having someone remind you how beautiful you are makes it so much easier to love the body you’re in, when you maybe haven’t been the most kind to it.

I’m a strong believer in independence and will die by the expression that men are a want and not a need . However, even the most independent, powerful woman gets broken sometimes. When that happens, there is no shame is letting someone love you enough to love yourself again. Sometimes it takes having someone see us through our brokenness to remind us of our value. As independent as I pride myself on being, I couldn’t be the person I am today without the man who picked up the pieces of my broken heart.

The man who has chosen to love me every single day, on days I couldn’t love myself, who taught me more about love than any relationships I’ve lost, which, btw, weren’t really losses. The man who looks at my tired eyes and offers me comfort, who values my feelings and understands my emotions. This man saw a mess. He saw a woman who had a broken heart, and he chose to pick up every piece. He didn’t fix me or help me become who I was. He helped build me up from someone broken into a better version of myself than I’ve ever known. The woman I am now because of his love is a women unrecognizable compared to who I was before him. When you have someone who loves you, and loves you right, you not only recover, but you also improve.

Not many people would look at a mess and think, “I didn’t make that mess, and it is a BIG MESS, but I’m going to clean it up.” But, there are people out there who WILL love you through your mess—whether it’s a mess you made or someone else made. There is a person who will CHOOSE to dry the tears someone else caused. There is a person who will look at you like you’re the reason the sun rises and sets.

The wildest part is, these men don’t walk up to your broken heart and say, “I can fix that.” They just love you how you want to be loved and give you the love and support you deserve. Before you know it, that pain where your broken heart was becomes a memory that you rarely think about because you’re too busy being loved.

So, to the man who picked up all of my pieces, who helped mend me, grow me, and love me into the best version of myself: I can never thank you enough. You took a broken girl and loved her into a powerful woman. You willingly cleaned up the mess someone else made, and never made me feel bad for it. Thank you for picking up the pieces of my heart and loving me back together.