Dear "Dad",
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I woke up to a text from you a couple weeks ago at 9 AM, which was very rare, considering you only make an effort nowadays to call me on my birthday once a year. You were asking for my school's address to mail me a letter, but I figured my words needed to be said for years now.
The day I was born, you were nowhere to be found. As I was cradled in my mom's arms in the hospital; I obviously did not know what a family was quite yet, but I felt love and attachment as a baby. As I got older and started to talk, I learned people's names and faces. You were one of them. I never really got to see you everyday, but when I did, it was like a little adventure I would take outside of my daily life getting driven up the hill to kindergarten with Papa, eating Beamie's (name I gave my mom's mom/my grandma) delicious mashed potatoes, or cuddling with mom and all of my Care Bears before bed time. Of course, I visited Grammy and Papa (both of biological parent's dads I called "Papa") every so often and would get picked up by Grammy to visit, play with my toys I would get spoiled with, and talk about my day. You were off living in the city, where you scored a real estate job. As I got older, we would go downtown together, go shopping, go out to eat at some deep dish pizza places, and wanted me to see the world the way you did. You spoiled me and let me do almost whatever I wanted and, as a 6 year old, that was pretty cool. However, also when I was 6, my mom got engaged and pregnant by a man that was not you. I was so happy and excited for my mom, but , at first, I didn't get the whole concept of who my real dad would be because I was raised to believe you were and having you and mom explain were two very different explanations and opinions. As I grew up more and lived with my mom, dad, sister, and brother, I became more familiar with life out of the city and being responsible for myself, as well as proving I am a good role model to my brother and sister. I didn't have any siblings up until I was 6, so obviously I was more spoiled, but after, I shared more things and time with my brother and sister; it is crazy to think how different life is when you begin to have and be a part of a family. Eventually, visits and trips downtown became less frequent and if we did have a weekend together, it was all about presents and money; the trips to buy me new Hannah Montana merch I didn't really need and about going to new places every single day, the real relationship between a father and her dad was fading from my perspective; it just took me longer to realize what it all meant and what was happening as I grew. When we were not going somewhere, I would slowly become more attached to my room and my alone time because I could feel that there was nothing to talk about and everything was becoming a big argument about me because my mom had found love and happiness in her life since the day I was born to now, but that was not necessarily defined as your happiness. Around 12 years old, I really had to think about the difference between a father was versus a dad. Well, the way I see it today, a father is the male biologically responsible for conception and birth of a baby. You are my father and you always will be because you cannot moderate birth and genetics after 19 years. However, I believe a dad is the father who supports his child by providing the parental care, food, shelter and clothing. It’s easier to be a father than dad isn't it? You get to simply go off into the world and tell people you are the proud father of myself and showing them pictures of the woman you created, while you have no clue about what has been going on in my life for years now nor do you care enough about my wellbeing every day. That's not a dad. The man my mom married has been my dad, however; he also shows the true definition of a dad. He has provided a family with the shelter by working hard at his job, raising two other children along with myself and my mom, treating us to vacations every once in a while, and also punishing me, my brother, sister, or puppies when we deserve to learn a lesson. Life is not designed to be perfect and, with you, there were no punishments; I lived a life of treating people in any which way, whether it was for better or worse and getting whatever I wanted at the drop of a hat. However, the only thing you ever would argue or get mad at me about is that "The man your mom marries is not your dad. I will always be your dad."
As much as the truth hurts, today, and for the last 5 years of no longer seeing you, I do not live off the ways you attempted to teach me how the world works because it simply doesn't. Consequently, I have been doing better than I ever have been in my life. Without sparing details, I have a job I work at home, a job I work at college, I go to a prestigious college that most people could not afford for even a year, and I am living a life with my new friends, as well as my family who have consistently accepted and supported me. I wanted you in my life at one point until I realized how much time I would have wasted. Now, I have plenty of experience of how the real world works and how the difference between being a dad versus a father can apply to so many life lessons I learn to this day. So, furthermore, thanks for being a lesson in life. Thanks for teaching me how to love and treat others properly. Thank you for being everything a dad is not.
Sincerely,
Your Biological Daughter
