At a young age I had hope to be daddy’s little girl instead i had to compete for your attention. Whether it was the with girls you slept with , your high school friends or the cars you bought it was always a competition. I was never the winner in the end. As I watched T.V. more i used to look at every father figure in every Disney movie and then I looked at mine.. You were so different from them,to the point you weren’t there.There were nights I couldn’t hear my own thoughts because you were yelling at my mom drunk as can be. Screaming at her was burning your throat more than the drink was. You were such a scary aggressive man.
Years went by and you picked the parties and the girls… You missed my birthday parties, doctors appointments and dance recitals because “your truck broke down” or “so and so needed your help”. When i needed your help you were nowhere to be found 3 calls and no answer and text message after text messages its like you would disappear. 3 years old to just turning 7 years old it was always last minute cancellations with so many excuses.Then as my mom started seeing someone new and so did you .. As you were trying to get it “your life together “ you moved 3 hours away with your new girlfriend. Leaving not only one kid but two kids in one town where everyone knows our last name and not in a good way. I used to have people come up to me and ask me if i was your kid and gave me disgusted looks. That hurt me in ways no one could explain..
We never have had a solid relationship , you never put effort into me like you did everyone else. I give you so much props for being a great dad but the truth is you’re a great father whenever it’s convenient for you. As we went to a family party out of state there were drinks and you watched a man belittle me and made me feel less of a person. Not doing anything but sitting there and listening to him talk to me like that. I realized you were not my super hero. I haven’t seen theses people in 8 years and they have only heard your part of the story and get to call me out in front of a bunch of people..Not only did it hurt me for him to say the terrible things but you watched a grown man cuss a 13 year old girl out because of your lies you told them.
As my depression and anxiety got worse so did your support. Last year in October, my health issues were coming back and i was admitted into the hospital and hoped for you to come see me for the first 2 days of being there i slowly tried to ask you to come and your response was your father was in the hospital to much already this month and you’re sick of hospitals. I was so disappointed in myself for not being enough for you to make effort into seeing me and that started it all.. I have built walls upon walls because of your actions that have affected me so deeply. 10th grade year my anxiety began to become more of a problem and I need help and your response was “it’s all in your head, get over it”. You never offered to pitch in or help out with my needs, wants or issues only if it was okay with your judgement. So that’s when i stopped making effort as much as it hurt me I needed to stop holding on to hope that was never going to get found. You could saved everything but as i started to realize it. You never fought. I had to start giving up on the fact you were never gonna be the father i wanted. I had to give up the way you had done a long time ago and I hope you understand my issues and my walls because your actions caused a lot of them.
