It was at the beginning of the school year. I and another female coworker were slaving away at our computers sending out emails when one of our male coworkers walked into the office. This not too long prior to the election in November, and somehow the three of us started talking about politics. Both my female coworker and I are strong liberals while our male coworker identifies as a conservative. She and I supported Bernie Sanders wholeheartedly and he disagreed with everything Bernie Sanders stood for. He thought Hillary was crooked. Because he was a business student, he admired Donald Trump’s plans for the nation in terms of its economy. To my male coworker, at the end of the day, the bottom line is one of the most important factors in keeping our country afloat.

So, we went back and forth about free college. We talked about taxes on the rich versus the poor. We discussed the importance of giving back, women’s rights, and more. Essentially, we didn’t get any work done for at least an hour (oops) and, instead, had a full-on conversation about our contradictory beliefs.

I was just glad not to be alone for such a discussion. I’m really good at writing essays and statuses (or as I like to call them, “mini-essays”) about what I believe and where I stand politically. I’ve always, I think, been better about expressing myself personally in writing. I can talk to you about coffee or puppies or English discourse all day, but when it comes to anything that is crucial to my identity as a person, like politics, I’m much better at telling you how I feel in a fully-fledged, written argument where I can discuss my points cohesively and present my supporting evidence as it becomes relevant within the conversation. (Gosh, I sound like an English major.)

I was grateful that my female coworker and I believe the same things, and so, could take turns discussing facets of our opinions instead of me having to face off with my conservative, male coworker alone. She also did most of the questioning when it came to asking him what he thought of the different values she and I hold and believe in politically, while I was able to just comment as needed. She and I aren’t even that close, but we worked really well as a debate team.

At some point in the conversation, our male coworker got fed up with us. He told us that we refuse to consider the other side (which isn’t true) and that we’re too stubborn to listen to anyone else’s viewpoint. (How could that be true if we were even having this conversation and asking him what he thought about different things, waiting until he was finished talking to rebuttal?) He claimed that our campus is incredibly liberal and so he feels as though there’s not a “safe space” for people who are more conservative to exist. (This is a guy who is a conservative and wants a “safe space” to show off his bigoted beliefs while we have people in the LGBTQ+ communities who are DYING because there aren’t safe spaces for them. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.)

My male coworker then proceeded to say he doesn’t like to have political conversations with people like my female coworker and me who have a strong opinion and are very vocal about what we believe (like it’s a bad thing). He then turned to me, specifically, and said, “I am very intimidated by you. You’re always posting stuff on Facebook and it makes me feel like I can’t talk to you because you’re so loud and vocal about it.”

I wasn’t sure how to feel. The first emotion that ran through me was pride. I was glad he found me intimidating because that meant he had to take me seriously. Because I don’t back down and stand up for myself, people are forced to listen. I think that’s a good thing. But the second emotion that coursed through me was one of anger.

Here was a conservative male telling me that I, as a liberal woman, intimidate him. That he can’t have a conversation with me about politics because I’m “too loud.” It was as if he was suggesting that I shouldn’t have such strong beliefs. It was as if he was trying to tell me that because I’m a woman, I 1) shouldn’t have liberal beliefs, to begin with, and 2) that if I have them, I should speak out about them far more quietly. That was outrageous to me.

My final thoughts after he called me “intimidating” were that if I really am so “intimidating,” maybe that’s a sign to him that he should get some stronger beliefs. If your beliefs can’t stand up to the loudest, proudest member of the opposing party, then you’re not believing hard enough. You’re not knowledgeable enough about your side of the argument. If you feel “intimidated” by someone who is willing to speak their mind about something they care about, then maybe you shouldn’t be such a coward. Maybe it even means that if you’re afraid to say what you believe, you know deep down that your opinion is wrong.

Just sayin’.

Let me reiterate the reason why I did not originally want to start discussing politics with my male coworker before all y’all start telling me that I was myself intimidated by someone with a differing opinion myself and that maybe my beliefs aren’t strong enough.

The reason why I did not want to engage in this discussion on politics with my male coworker, especially alone, is because I am better at making an argument and supporting my case in writing. That’s just where my strengths lie in expressing myself. It was not because my beliefs aren’t strong enough, but that I’m much better at defending my political stance in a passive way rather than in an active discussion.

I also recognize that my voice should not be the loudest. For years, I struggled with that concept. I always thought I had to be the leader, the boss, for most of my time growing up, but coming to college made me realize that I don’t have to be the rally starter all the time. Sometimes it’s okay to let other people get the fire going and to support them by adding fuel to the fire and to keep the embers going. In fact, I’d almost rather – at least now – let someone else take the reins while I help navigate the sleigh. And that is okay. I still believe just as strongly, I just recognize that I don’t have to be the one shouting all the time and that there are people who can shout even better than I can.

So, to the male coworker who called me “intimidating,” good. I’m glad. If being “intimidating” is what it takes to make my voice heard, I’m all for it.