To You,

A girl who has seen her fair share of hurt; a girl who has been brokenhearted; a girl who has stood there watching the one she loved fall in love with someone else.

I know your pain, I've experienced it. You expect it to be an ache in your heart, hence the term "heartache," but you and I both know that is hardly where you feel it. It feels as if you are missing something—your chest gets tight, you feel as if you've been punched in the stomach, and it's hard to breathe. You find it hard to get past the tears welling up in your eyes because all you want to do is lay down and cry. But you can't, as it turns out, because getting your heart broken isn't a legitimate excuse to call in at work. You have to be an adult and continue on with your responsibilities, no matter what they are.

I fell in love for the first and only time in July 2015. Well, maybe I wasn't in love, but I had never felt stronger for anyone before. He was perfect. We had so many common interests, and whenever I was around him, there was always a smile on my face and my heart felt like it was going to explode. Then one week, out of the blue, his communication with me ceased completely. For one entire week, he did not talk to me and my mind raced. What did I do? Is he just super busy? Should I text him? Call him? I just could not figure it out. Finally, his name appeared on my phone and it brightened my day. He told me his ex had been talking to him wanting to get back together and I thought I'd be clever and say, "Well I'm not worried because your next is better than your ex." I guess I was wrong. Just like that, it was over. I cried harder after each text message I read. I pleaded to speak in person, not to end everything through text message, but to no avail. I had never been so upset in my life.

I cried every day for three weeks, and I felt like the life had been stolen from me. I had no will or desire to do anything. I had no appetite, I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, I wanted to be left alone. So believe me, I know what it feels like.

Here's the thing, though. A broken heart doesn't just happen to you. It happens to those around you, to your family and your friends. They can see how you're affected, they can see your distraught. If it hadn't been for my friends supporting me, talking with me, listening to me vent and cry every single day, I don't know how I would have gotten over it.

The worst part was that his actions and decisions made me question myself. I questioned whether I was pretty enough, fun enough, and what was wrong with me. I wanted to know what made her better than me.

What was wrong with me? I figured that out soon. The only thing that was wrong with me was that I allowed a guy who was dumb enough to walk away hurt me so bad. I allowed a guy to determine how I viewed my own self-worth. I allowed a guy to make me feel as if I was not good enough.

Please, never let a guy affect you the ways I've let them affect me; know how much you're worth, know how beautiful you are and never question yourself. You are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved.

You deserve a guy who brings out the best qualities in you and sees the worst, but loves you for them.

I want you to avoid heartbreak the best you could. I wish I could have avoided all of that. He and I are friends again, and I still love him. I would do anything for him.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. It turned out his ex was a guy.

There was never any girl to compare myself to, never a girl who was prettier. He chose his ex because I was not a guy. There were several times he'd tell me he'd marry me if he was straight or I was a guy. He thought that'd help, but it didn't. When he finally told me after not talking to me for a month where we were supposed to be friends, I was shocked. But it made more sense. It's not always something you've done or not done when a relationship doesn't work out, these things just happen at times. Sometimes it is the guy.

Lesson I learned? If a guy isn't as into you as you think, it's probably not you. He's probably just into guys.