I was never one to take losing a guy or breakups very hard. Of course it was tough at times, but in the end I realized that there were just much worse things in life. The way I saw it, as long as I had my notepad and my books to distract me for a while I would be okay; things would just fix themselves eventually.

To The Guy Who No Longer Has Power Over Me,

Unfortunately, I fell in love with you. Yes, I did. No, I won't sit here and lie and say it was a simple crush because you and I were more than that. At least that's how you made it seem. You strung me along until I learned the truth. By time I did, it was too late. You had me. You had that power.

I didn't fit in with your friends. We might've been each other's type, but not our friends'. I caught on to that very early. While mine were willing to get to know you, yours clearly weren't. They already had an idea of who they wanted you to to date. While I originally thought you were your own person, I soon realized that you weren't. You lacked the capability to think for yourself. You just went with with what they wanted. They wanted her. She fit their standards. I just wish you were honest with me instead of letting me find out the hard way- stringing me along even after you were seeing her.

You were part of my everyday. Everything I did... I thought about you. We met and became friends because we shared the same passion... For weeks I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do the thing I love because it hurt too much. Every time I would try, it would remind me of you. I hated that you still were on my mind. I was embarrassed. People brought it up all the time. "Sorry he chose her over you. That must suck." Your friends would just stare at me. I couldn't escape you.

You know how I said I usually don't take losing the guy hard? Well I was a mess. All my motivation was gone and for a while I just hated the world. I knew something needed to change. You didn't deserve to have that power. No one did. Something had to change.

I had to find myself again. I just felt lost. I tend to take mini breaks time to time since my everyday workload tends to be hefty, but this time I needed a real break. I needed to step away from things and just recenter myself.

I had to forget the plans we made. I had to let go of the lies you told me. I had to let go of you. It was hard. It was unlike anything I had ever done before. My books and notepad couldn't save me this time. It took more.

The hardest part had to be the silence. Of course I have great friends who I can speak to; people who I consider not only friends, but family. It was the silence that was in place of you. It was like a void that I didn't want to fill with just anyone, but one that I wanted to fill with myself. I had to learn how to do that.

I made new plans in place of the old ones. I went out and had fun. I made travel plans. I found truths about myself; truths that you will never have the chance to know. You lost that right. You no longer have that power over me or my life.
I'm not going to thank you for hurting me so I could realize what I deserve. Quite frankly I think that notion is ridiculous.

There's nothing for me to thank you for. I wish you the best. I hope you're happy or at least find it. I hope you start thinking for yourself one day. There will be a point in time when you will have to make your own decisions. When that happens, I hope you find yourself.