In all honesty, I doubt that you will ever read this. If you do end up acknowledging it, I'm sure you're going to deem all of this as garbage and useless. Hey, that's okay. This letter isn't to hurt your feelings or make you feel like you made a huge mistake because in the end, you didn't. I'm not writing this to make you feel pain. The point of this letter isn't to make you think I'm still the same broken girl that you left me as because that would be a flat out lie. This letter is just to recap what happened between us and how happy and thankful I am for you letting me go whenever you did.
After everything that we had been through together, I never really saw it ending the way that it did. All of the tears that I shed were useless in their attempt to make you stay and I can honestly say that I'm glad you didn't.
At the beginning of our end, it's true that I felt that I was missing something viable to my well being. I felt sick, depressed, and anxious. It hurt me to know that someone that had meant so much to me decided so easily that I wasn't meant to be part of their life. It broke me.
I needed to be broken though and I see that now.
I had always been too much for you. Too much of a person with too much emotion that you just didn't know how to respond to. I was too overwhelmed, too anxious, and too distrusting of you. Because of this, you couldn't give the same amount of effort that I put into us. At least, that's what I thought. I had it in my head that everything that I did was overbearing when in reality, you just weren't enough for me. You weren't committed enough, or trustful enough to be fully committed to someone that would do anything for you. I've seen the errors of my ways not in being too much of a person, but by giving too much to someone who never really deserved it in the first place.
You were never fully able to commit to just me. You were scared of the waves and afraid to run into the ocean that was waiting so patiently for you with open arms. You settled on testing the waters instead. The entire time I thought that there was something wrong with me for you not wanting to give it your best shot. I never paused to think that maybe, just maybe, it was you with the issues and not me. It wasn't my fault that you are sporadic with your feelings for me. You expected me to be patiently waiting for you while you continued to do whatever you pleased. It hurt to say the least.
There wasn't a single part of me that didn't want you. For whatever reason, I thought that something would change inside of you and I wouldn't have to keep fighting a losing battle. I was naive to believe that and I see the error in my thinking now.
The bond that we shared wasn't meant to go as far as it did. We weren't made for each other and it's as simple as that. I'm not going to say that there weren't good times between the two of us, but ultimately, it was a very toxic relationship.
Since our end, I've grown as a person tremendously. I've grown more than I could have ever grown with you. I've grown stronger in the relationships with the people that truly care for me and by doing so, I've grown stronger, more independent, and I've realized my potential to be a better person every day.
I've also found someone that has loved me unconditionally every day that we have spent together. He has not once ever questioned his feelings for me and he was never afraid of my waves. He jumped right in without question. I have never been too much for him. I've always been the perfect amount. It's an indescribable feeling to have someone love you with everything they have.
If you had never let me go when you did, even though I was holding on to the rope for as long as I could, I never would have found the power of myself, nor would I have found the guy that I was never too much for. I was angry at you for so long, but it brings me peace to know that I can say thank you to someone who probably doesn't deserve it. It brings me peace to know that if I ever see you again, I won't feel anything.
So thank you; thank you for realizing I was too good for you.