Dear Thirteen-Year-Old me,

Here are a couple things I know now, that I wish you knew in 2007. I wish you knew that the boy that you would fall head over heels in love with, would end up being the same person to break your heart repeatedly. I wish you knew that the nine years you invested into a relationship would make you feel as though it were a lie to begin with. I wish you knew that every time you had a bad feeling, you were right. I wish you knew to trust your intuition, your intuition never steers you wrong. I wish you knew that you would plan your entire future with HIM only to have those hopes and plans unravel with each passing year. I wish you knew how beautiful, strong, intelligent, wanted and deserving of love you are. Maybe if you knew then what I know now, you could've been saved from the mental breakdowns, "I am overreacting" speeches and an ocean full of tears that you've cried. There are many things throughout the course of your life I wish I could've shielded you from, with heartbreak being at the top of the list. However, I am grateful that you will learn to love yourself unconditionally in the process.

With Unequivocal Love,

The Future You

I always had a false pretence of what love and relationships should be and should feel like. These ideals were according to what I have witnessed on television and in real life. I was under the impression that relationships consisted of roses, sweet words and kisses, spontaneous dates, I love you's, and smooth sailing. With marriage, children, and the big house to follow. I did not know that I would experience the complete opposite.

I fell in love with him in seventh grade. I am aware that was such a young age, but back then I thought I had everything figured out; even at the age of thirteen. We were friends first then it developed into more. For the first two years of our relationship we broke up every few months. I wish I used that as a sign that I was too young for a relationship, but still continued. It was freshman year of high school, when we decided to actually take our relationship seriously. It was perfect in the beginning. We spoke on the phone from the moment we woke up to the moment we went to sleep. We went on dates. Every birthday, Christmas and Valentine's Day; I received gifts and cards from him. We became the model couple that all of our friends admired. Every single one of his friends and family knew of me. Everything was perfect. What more could a fifteen year old want in a relationship?

Months down the road, he moved to a different borough. That is where everything went left. As a result of him living and hour away in a different borough, he was able to live a double life. With me being a full-time high school student; I was only able to see him on Saturdays. I was his part-time girlfriend. Instead of breaking up with me, he found himself a full-time;Sunday through Friday girlfriend. I eventually found out after months of suspicion. Sadly, I was already in so deep that I decided to stay and work it out. Years passed, our romantic relationship became toxic due to mistrust and lies. Our friendship never changed, he was my best friend. No matter how much pain he inflicted, he was still my best friend and I was still madly in love. So, I stayed. . . . .

Fast forward to October 2015, when he breaks up with me. His excuse was, "We're so young. Maybe we need to venture out". I told him if that was what he wanted, do not expect me to wait around for him. I decided to move on, but after five months of him trying to contact me every now and then to rekindle. I finally gave in. For the next six months, he would become the perfect boyfriend in every way. He finally treated me how I deserved to be treated. I was happy. WE were happy. Yes, every now and then I would have my trust relapses, but for the most part WE WERE HAPPY. This was our last chance to get it right. Our bond and relationship was stronger than ever. What could possibly go wrong?

I accidentally came across proof that he was cheating on me for almost a year in 2015. For a month after finding out, I tried to give us one final chance based off of his actions the past seven months. I must have warred with myself mentally every moment of the day, on whether or not to stay over the course of the month. Staying meant, forgiving him for everything and never bringing it up again. Staying meant giving him another opportunity to hurt me. Leaving meant knowing my self worth and knowing that I will eventually find the person who was created for me. Leaving meant a new start and that by itself gave me immense joy. Maybe he was faithful and he did change since we got back together, but I couldn't take that chance with my heart again. If I stayed and it happened again, it would have been a shame on my end. Ultimately, I decided that I loved myself more than I loved him. It broke my heart to know that I broke his by making this decision, but he's done the same countless times. So why not be selfish for a change?

Every now and then, it still hurts when I think about him and the situation. I am an empathetic person so it hurts to know that he's hurting. I am grateful, however, for everything he has put me through. I learned to love myself more than I ever thought possible. I have discovered an amazing, talented and worthy human being named Akilah. Most of all I learned that, he did not value or love me unconditionally; but my soulmate will.

So, cheers to the guy that hurt me but COULD NOT break me.