Growing up, I was always afraid of old people. I got nervous because they looked wrinkly and it was always hard for them to understand the things I wanted to tell them. Overall, communication was difficult. However, I always admired the young people in my life who were able to overcome the communication barriers and still form meaningful relationships with them.
I could easily see that my grandparents were older than my friends' grandparents, so I knew I wouldn't have the same relationship with them as my friends had with their grandparents. They didn't babysit me when I was younger. They tried to come to my dance recitals and plays, but it didn't last very long. However, I still remember making trips out to the small town in Illinois to visit them for a quick hello and a game of cards every once in a while. I left all the conversations to the adults while I sat and observed. I was constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood.
When I got older, I started becoming more outgoing. High school showed me that I love getting to know people. Although my communication skills were improving, I still found it difficult to try them out on my grandparents. As they were reaching their upper 80s, I knew my time was running out. It wasn't until my grandpa died during my second semester of my junior year that I realized what it felt like to lose someone I never really got to know.
My grandpa was always difficult to communicate with. He often sat in his special couch or in his fancy wheelchair trying his best to carry on conversations. I will always remember the way he would say "Hi, Rachel," and give me a pat on the back as I would attempt to hug him. I wish I had more moments like that to hold onto, but I was too scared of trying to communicate with someone I knew I would lose.
His funeral was one of the hardest things I've gone through in my life. The intense feeling of regret seemed to follow me every step of the way. I regretted not trying to tell him about my life. I regretted not trying to hear stories from his life. I regretted the days I sat on my phone instead of engaging in our card games. I regretted not making more of an effort to get to know him or helping him get to know me.
Ever since he passed away, I have made a conscious effort to really engage in the conversations I'm in and the people I'm around. I've made stronger bonds with my remaining grandparents and family members. I tell my friends and family how much I appreciate them every time the thought passes through my mind. You never know when you could lose someone. You never know when you will run out of chances to get to know someone or let someone get to know you. Every second counts, so use them to the best of your ability to get to know the world and people around you.
