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To The Girls Who Love Broadway But Can't Sing, I Feel You

Blessed with the love for the stage, but cursed with this inability to belt.

Cal Uher

May 10, 2020

National Writers Society

169

To The Girls Who Love Broadway But Can't Sing, I Feel You

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I've been acting since I was 13, so I'm not a stranger to the stage. Something incredible happens when I try to audition for a musical, though, the croak of a frog comes out instead of a note.

I've sat in jealousy before straight play rehearsals start as everyone circles up and starts a perfect rendition of "Seasons Of Love."

I spend an embarrassing amount of time in the shower practicing breathing techniques, belting the most off-key note I've ever heard.

I dream of playing Rizzo in "Grease"or Regina in "Mean Girls," lip-syncing to the cast recordings into a mirror. If I ever wake up with a magic ability to belt a F5, maybe I can finally audition for the local production of "Heathers."

I should give it a rest now; I'm 20. I think I would've been able to find a harmony by now if I could.

Or maybe, I'm being too harsh on myself. I'm told all the time, there are roles for me! Musicals are becoming more diverse -- just look at Brittain Ashford singing "Sonya Alone!" That would be a fantastic role for me!

If I could stay on key.

The sad truth is, I can't. No matter how many choir teachers spend extra practice time with me telling me to sing out, no matter the amount of times I wash the dishes and try to harmonize to different songs, no matter how many vocal warm ups I do, the fact of the matter is my voice is just not strong enough to carry a musical.

This isn't for lack of trying. I've gotten roles before. Ensemble! Ensemble. FEATURED ensemble. Don't get me wrong, I love learning a good dance number and playing a slutty sorority member in Legally Blonde just as much as the next gal. However, how nice would it be to be Maureen, like, once?

I think I'll just stick to Shakespeare... unless anyone wants to donate to a GoFundMe for singing lessons.

To my fellow frog croak singers, I see you. See you at 7 PM for ensemble rehearsal.

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To The Girls Who Love Broadway But Can't Sing, I Feel You

Blessed with the love for the stage, but cursed with this inability to belt.

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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