Besides the boyfriends I’ve had in my life, I’ve never had a guy best friend that meant as much to me as your boyfriend. When I say best friend, he literally was all of that and more. He was like a brother to me, but with the insecurities you couldn’t keep quiet, you led him away from me. My world is just a tad bit darker now, and I can’t help but resent you for that.
With a boyfriend of my own, I wanted us to all be friends. I wanted to double date and get to know you, learn whatever it was that my best friend saw in you and eventually love you too. Maybe I’d never love you as a friend, hell maybe I wouldn’t really even like you, but for my best friend, I would have pretended just to see him happy.
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It's been over a year now that I no longer have him in my life. And to be honest with you, I really miss him. I’m still bitter towards you, as much as I want to tell myself I’m not, I am, and I’m not sure that’ll ever change.
There was one point in my life I felt like I was going down the wrong path. I didn’t want to lean on anyone, and I didn’t want anyone to lean on me. I had the mindset that I needed to get as far away from the girl that I once was. I took out everyone in my path, including him. I guess why it’s so hard for me to actually lose him is because even when I tried with everything in me to cut him out, and change who I was, he didn’t go anywhere. He waited for this stage to pass, and when I made decisions I probably shouldn’t have, he didn’t judge me for them. He sat there and talked to me about them, and we learned how to go from there.
Sometimes in life you just try really hard to hold onto certain people, and other people come along and make that impossible. That’s what you were to me, and now I have one less person in my life I knew genuinely cared for me. I imagine you can see my frustration with that and you.
I’ve reread this a dozen times wondering if I’m sounding too harsh or immature. I wanted to know if the way I came across would make you think less of me or give you the wrong impression. The thing is, I don’t care.
I do not care what you think of me, if you like me, or if I’ve given you the wrong impression. If my word isn’t enough for you, then that’s what it has to be. You’ve already taken all you can from me. You took my best friend, and for the rest of my life (or the time you guys date for) whether you get married, or run away together, I really want you to know that you took a huge part of my life away from me, and for that reason alone, I’ll never feel genuine, good feelings towards you.
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Besides my boyfriend, dad and brother, the man you took out of my life was my best friend. He was my shoulder, and he was my protector. He made these stupid corny jokes I still to this day don’t and will not ever understand. He made me mad more times than I can count, and he managed to put himself into situations not even the smartest person alive could get out of. But I loved him-(for the millionth time)-as a friend. And even though you took him away, even though we don’t speak, and even though our friendship is now shit, I’ll always love him and I’ll always be here.
You can take the person away, but you can’t take the memories or friendship from him nor I, and that’s something I’ll forever cherish.
To the girl that took my best friend away from me,
Please tell him I say hello and I hope he’s doing well.
