To the girl without a father,

Life decided to play a trick on you. Everyone knows that a kid is supposed to have two parents. When we’re growing up, there’s things like father-daughter dances, parent-teacher meetings, and father’s day. It’s simply a norm in everyday life for a child to be raised by two people. Well, it’s not the norm for many, there are too many incredible single parents out there to count, but the standard set before all of us is that parenting is supposed to be done as a team. That being said, if you’re like me, you’ve watched your girlfriends with envy as they spend time with their dads, whether it’s being picked up from school when you’re little or seeing your friends’ fathers visit them at college. You’ve felt the burning hole of something missing in your life, of that staple you’re supposed to have simply not being there.

Sometimes, people never know their fathers. Sometimes, fathers pass away or move out before we’re old enough to know what’s happening. But for me, that wasn’t the case. My dad was amazing until I turned 13, when he decided to prioritize his drinking instead of his children. He hasn’t been the same since. So, while I still have a dad, he isn’t the dad I once knew. I don’t have the man I need there to give me advice and be the crucial “male role-model” I so desperately need. So if you’re in my position, and you’re a young girl or woman without a father, there’s a few things you absolutely need to learn.

Your father’s absence or treatment of you does not reflect who you are as a person. I’m sure you would give anything to have him there, to be the dad you need. But just because he isn’t, doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. You are capable of beautiful, incredible things, and those things don’t depend on anyone, not even your dad.

It’s OK to be angry. Some days, the anger wells up and all you need to do is go home and cry and be really pissed off that your dad isn’t there for you. When you feel like all you need is that male guidance to tell you what to do about the boy you like, or to tell you to be strong, remember that all of that lies inside of you. Don’t be afraid to fall apart sometimes, but at the same time, remember you can and will get through it.

Remember that you don’t need a boy to fill the void. Some people laugh about it, but you and I know that “daddy issues” are a very serious problem. Take it from me, it’s impossible to expect a young man to be able to give you the support and love you are missing because your father is gone. It isn’t fair to ask that of someone, and will only lead to pain. Don’t text the guy who didn’t treat you well because the void hurts in the moment. Take a step back and realize that you possess all you need.

Don’t forget that you are so, extremely loved. Your family is probably like mine: a little broken, but so much stronger because of it. Be grateful for the parent you still have, because I’m sure they’re doing all they can to make up for the absence of someone else. They’re probably struggling, too. Trust that despite your experience, there are good men in the world that are waiting for you to meet them.

Most of all, in the moments where you feel him gone the most, remember it will be OK. He might not be there to walk you down the aisle, or to be a grandfather to your future children. You might feel the empty space a little extra on Christmas or your birthday. But there is too much love and good in the world to be stuck in the feeling of pain and loss. You may be a girl without a father, but you aren’t any less than anyone else, and your battle will make you stronger.