To the girl who's pregnant in college,
The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the scariest days of my life. I was in my apartment in Poughkeepsie, New York, three hours away from who the person who would become my fiancé. Neither of us were prepared for a baby and we knew it. At least he was graduated from college, but I was only in my third year. I still had a year left of just undergrad followed by two years of graduate school. That doesn’t even include the time I needed to find a well-paying job or the time I wanted to spend studying abroad. My boyfriend at the time didn’t even have a well-paying job yet. I had spent the past month convincing myself that there was no way I could be pregnant, even though I partially knew I was. I continued to live my life and plan my future as though I couldn’t be pregnant. Finally, I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. I ended up taking three.
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Finding out I was pregnant was one thing but telling my boyfriend at the time was another. I remember my heart racing as I called him. I had never even mentioned the possibility of me being pregnant so I knew this was going to surprise him. We had only been dating for a couple months before we found out we were pregnant. The thought of him leaving before I found out I was pregnant was scary because I did care about him, but now it became unimaginable. There was no way I could handle this by myself. Nowadays, it seemed like a given to me that the father of an unplanned pregnancy would leave. I knew so many single moms my age and I see more and more every day. This fear was only compounded by the silence on the phone when I told him I was pregnant.
I tell you all of this because I know it’s scary. I know it is probably the scariest moment of your life. You’re nervous, your heart is racing and you have no idea what the next move is. When you give birth it is equally as nerve-wracking. I can remember my due date looming and me just getting more nervous at the concept of being in charge of a human life. Not only that, but the very thought of childbirth also scared me. When you go to childbirth classes, they take the time to tell you all the things that could go wrong. Needless to say it wasn’t helpful. But pregnancy is full of nerve-wracking moments. From telling your parents the news to making sure the baby is safe in the womb, you will worry about everything.
This doesn’t end. This will never end. After the baby was born and we brought her home, I would get up every time she wiggled in her crib or fussed the slightest bit. I hardly slept. I still hardly sleep. But watching her grow has been the most rewarding experience imaginable. When she was born, she had no idea she could control her hands and feet. Now, only three months later, she is grabbing things and bouncing with herself with her own feet. She has grown from the length of a forearm to taller than my torso. Each and every day this little girl steals my heart and I love her more and more, even though I’m pretty sure that’s not possible. Seeing her smile, and knowing it really is a smile and not gas, is the best feeling in the world. Watching my parents and grandparents become grandparents and great grandparents also warms my heart. And watching my fiancé become a loving, caring and supportive father makes the nervousness worth it.
So what I say to you, you who are just beginning this journey, is enjoy every minute. The nervousness, the scariness, the heart racing moments, enjoy all of it because one day you will give birth to a wonderful baby boy or girl and you will have these amazing moments too. I understand that it might be hard but it is nothing less than worth it. I also understand that some don’t have the support system I was lucky enough to have, but there is always someone willing to help. The life of a mother is always difficult, whether you are in college or in a stable career. Some of us are just lucky enough to feel the joy of being a mother sooner than others.
