So many people come to college to find out who they are as a person, or who they want to be. I was not one of those people. I was coming to college to play sports and find a job. I knew who I was and I was very confident with that. Until my world crashed and flipped upside down. Going into my senior year of high school, I struggled with who I thought I was because I was questioning everything. All I knew was I wanted to do was graduate, and go play softball at my new school.
This was until I ended up there actually playing and dealing with many other different aspects. I felt like I had an identity crisis because I had no friends, not even my teammates. I was the girl that was quiet and I have never been quiet in my life. Ultimately at that school, I was an outsider. I was weird.
Much to my surprise, this would change as I left that school and went to another one. I felt better and more at home. Even though I never left the state and I could go home whenever I wanted to, I wanted to be independent of them and prove to them that I could do it on my own. I had to claw my way back to where I needed to be for school and I felt I disappointed very many people and it hurt many as well. I burned a few bridges and lost many friends in the process, but in the end, it would all be worth it, I would eventually learn.
After getting my act together at my second college, I decided that it was time to take on a bigger adventure and spread my wings a little more. I applied and was accepted to OU for the fall semester of 2017. Again, I felt joyous but going into OU, I felt overwhelmed with who I thought I wanted to be. I couldn't decide a major nor a minor. I couldn't decide where I could see myself in five years. All I knew was that I had dreamed about attending OU since I was a kid.
Stepping onto the university grounds as a student for the very first time felt so surreal. I knew that if I didn't keep it together I would lose my ultimate dream of graduating from a school that had been in my mind forever. Soon after getting to the university, I would struggle again with who I was and who I wanted to be. I never knew how hard it would get until this last summer. After failing math, I decided that my current degree wasn't for me anymore. I changed majors. Had an identity crisis and shut massively down for about three days. I had shattered every hope and dream that I had ever thought of.
I did not know how to carry on, but I did. And here's to you girl who is struggling with who she is, because we all do it whether people want to admit it or not.
Ultimately, it is just a phase. You don't have to know who you are, just a direction you are going. It is easier to be free-flowing than have an exact plan as I did. Be confident in who you are, because no matter what, you know what is best for you.
