I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors in high school. This girl is sleeping with that guy, and you just cringe at the thought of it. It’s not always because you’re a prude. You may just realize that everyone is getting older and making these crazy decisions in their relationships and you’re not. You’re either not in a relationship or maybe the guy you’re with is pressuring you to open up a little more. You’re afraid, though. You feel like you’re falling behind, but you wonder about it. Is it really so bad to take things slower than other people? Is the guy really going to wait as long as you need? Or will he leave once he knows that you’ll only be naked on an emotional level? What if he gets bored? What if you give in and he’s disappointed with what he sees? What if...?
These are the kinds of questions I would ask myself when dating guys. I would do it all the time because I had low self-esteem. I tried to seem confident for them because I knew that was attractive, but to be honest, I didn’t really think I was all that great. I was just trying to be. I wanted to believe that my personality was enough with maybe a kiss here and there and a nice hug, but there may have been times when it wasn’t. The guy would leave eventually, and I always wondered if I was a little more "exciting," would he have stayed? I’ll never know the answer, but I don’t believe he would have.
What terrifies me the most about “putting out” is the person that he is afterward. Knowing that I would never give in to someone I barely know, this guy would have to know everything about me first. He would have to know that I can’t focus on my homework until after I brush my teeth. He would have to know that I used to watch wrestling with my dad when I was two and that my favorite wrestler was Triple H.
He would have to know my mind and my heart before anything else. I just always feel like if he found out the last tidbit, his curiosity would be gone. He would move on and leave me in shambles. I would regret something that I can’t undo no matter how hard I try.
This is not to say that all the girls who do this in high school are "sluts." This is also not to say that all guys just want to get into a girl’s pants and leave her after that one night. There are plenty of good ones out there that I’m sure wouldn’t mind the wait. I just don’t think I’ve met that many.
I’m 18 now, and I’m about to head off to college. The first week will be filled with parties and drinking. Sex will become more casual in conversation. I may even find out if the girl in the dorm room next to me is a screamer or not (which I would rather not know). I just know I will feel a little pressured to catch up with everyone else (or at least it seems like everyone), but I’m older now and I have learned that there is no need to “catch up.” Everyone grows up at a different pace.
To the girl who won’t “put out,” it really is okay to wait. It’s also okay not to wait so long as you’re ready for it. Unfortunately, everyone you ever meet has the capability to make you feel like nothing. There was a time when I promised myself that I would only start dating again when I knew that person was worth my time, but he ended up being much worse than I ever thought. Sometimes, paradise turns into poison, so make sure you know what he’s like when he gets mad or insanely jealous before you let yourself be whisked away by his charm. If you really respect yourself, don’t be so quick to believe that you deserve this kind of abuse. If you’re reading this, I may not know you, but you probably deserve much better. Personally, I am so glad that I haven’t given in yet. All my past affairs have treated me like absolute crap.
To the girl who won’t “put out,” you’re not the only one who feels helpless about love. You have nothing to be ashamed of even if you feel differently. Sometimes, the best comes to those who wait.
