Happiness. Everyone chases it, yet no one catches it. Happiness is on my mind a lot lately because I've come to the realization that I'm not happy. Happiness is something that I've always struggled with keeping. Recently I've realized this: I'm not happy in where I'm at right now in my life, I'm not happy in my job, I'm not happy at my school, but I'm trying to change that and I'm not happy with the fact that I have no luck with boys. The thing is, I love my job. I'm good at it, it's getting stressful and it's losing its allure. I'm trying to change schools, because I'm not happy that I wasted time somewhere I'm not meant to be. I'm not happy with boys because they either like me and I don't like them, or I like them and they don't like me.

I don't know if this relates to you, I hope it does. I think the thing with happiness is, is that it's fleeting. You can catch but if you let go because you think it's yours, it'll be gone. Happiness doesn't last. I'm not happy because I'm expecting my happiness to be dependent on my circumstances right now. I'm expecting my job to make me happy, I'm hopeful to get my education figured out, and boys are people and people disappoint.

Since happiness fades like sunshine in clouds, I don't want it. I'm not going to chase something that isn't going to stick around.
I'm not saying you shouldn't chase happiness or want to be happy. I'm saying don't chase something that doesn't have the power that you think it does. Chase happiness and be happy, but remember how fickle it is.

I am reminded of my middle name which is Joy. People forget about Joy. They forget Joy in their pursuit of happiness.

Joy isn't fickle, it stays when everything else leaves. It's like a diamond, it shines bright and makes everything beautiful but it'll lose it's luster if you forget about it. I doesn't fade, it's real.

I want Joy.

Joy is knowing that your job sucks but being grateful to have one anyway because it allows you to make way for the future. Joy is being excited for the changes coming in my education and trusting that they'll work out. Joy is being excited that there is someone out there who loves me I just haven't found him yet. I hope that as you chase happiness that you hold onto joy as well. Because you'll never be fully happy, but you can be joyful. Happiness is like the ocean in a storm, Joy is the lighthouse.

I don't want to be just happy based on my circumstances in life. I want to be so Joyful, that it doesn't matter if I'm happy or not. I hope you remember that just because happiness doesn't last doesn't mean you stop chasing it, you just chase it with joy.

"weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭30:5‬b KJV‬‬