When Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
It's hard never feeling like you will be good enough for anyone. You spend your time doubting yourself no matter what you do it is not good enough. Even when someone gives you a complement, you find the one thing that you should change or should have done differently. I ask myself this question a lot, whether it is about grades, about my intelligence level, and when I think about the future. It’s a question and an idea that I have always thought of. It’s like it’s constantly in the back of my head at all times of the day and night.
I’ll be honest, this week has been rough. My anxiety was being a special kind of jerk and sleep did not come easy if it came at all. I struggled – hard. I tried to vent a bit but it wasn’t good enough because no matter how many times I told myself that I was overthinking and everything would blow over, there was still always an issue.I was being cruel to my friends, my family, and myself because I believed that no matter what I did,would ever be good enough, that, I’d never be enough. I poured my all into school, work (even though I work part-time), and friendships and came out frustrated with some of the responses. I didn’t feel like I did enough, like I was smart enough, pretty enough, or nice enough – I felt like no matter what I did, everything was going to feel wrong.
I hate feeling like I am not good enough but I have a bad habit of always telling myself that I am not good enough and won’t be ever no matter the situation. I’m still trying to tell myself that I am smart enough, even though lately I’ve struggled to make apprehensible sentences. I’m smart enough and I only think I’m not because I once surrounded myself with people who made me feel like I wasn’t.
I try to keep myself busy; work, school, chores, gym. Trying everything I can to make myself feel better about myself, but no matter what I do I never feel like I am enough. I am slowly working on becoming more CONFIDENT in myself but its going to take some time. But I do hope that when this mindset does change, then I will be ready for it and ready to accept the things, whether they’re good or bad, that comes with finally not feeling this way.
