Dear Beautiful, Valuable, Incredible You,
I want to start this out by letting you know you are loved. You have family that that loves you, friends that love you, and even if you feel like you don't have either one of those, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you beyond measure. That's an important thing to keep in mind when we talk on the subject of boyfriends and relationships because it's something we tend to forget. We think that the main source of "love" in our lives is our boyfriends, and we don't remember all the other people that are there for us when he isn't around or disappoints us for what feels like the hundredth time.
I say "we" because I've been there before. I've been stuck in a relationship that I knew wasn't healthy or something I wanted to pursue towards marriage. As the title suggests, I was settling for something I knew was less than what I deserved or wanted, but I learned I didn't have to, and it completely changed my perspective on the way I viewed relationships. I want to share some of that insight with you because I believe it's something that many girls and women don't realize.
First off, it's important to know your worth. Like I said earlier, you are loved, but you are also talented, dazzling, and worthy of a man's utmost respect. You deserve the guy who will pick you up and pay for your dinner, but you also deserve the guy who will respect your boundaries and encourage you to make good decisions. We often convince ourselves that kind of man doesn't exist anymore, but he does. He may not be the easiest to find or right there in front of you, but things of true value are usually hidden. You are a priceless treasure, and you deserve someone who sees how valuable you are and works to respect that.
Therefore, don't put up with disrespect. You're the one who decides how a guy treats you by the way you react when he treats you badly. My mom has always told me, "You teach people how to treat you," and that is never truer than when talking about relationships. When you let a boy disrespect you without any objection, you're giving him the green light to continue that behavior, and the longer you let it go on, the harder it becomes to stop it. If he does not respect you, then he does not see your worth, and that is unacceptable.
Disrespect can take many forms. Yelling at you, pushing your boundaries, and saying demeaning things to and about you are some of the obvious ones, but they are also very serious. If you deal with any of that regularly, it's time to start looking for a way out because that's not okay, even if you feel like he really does love you. But there are more subtle patterns of disrespect, too. Expecting you to do things for him (whether it be doing his school work, buying him stuff, keeping his life in order, or managing his family business) is a very prevalent problem with relationships today, especially because we think it's our job to make our boyfriend happy. You have to remember that if he is going to sit back and let you run yourself ragged doing his stuff while you're also trying to keep up with your own, he isn't seeing and respecting your precious value.
There's no reason to stay with a guy who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You don't have to settle, no matter how hard you think it will be to actually break up. I thought I would never be able to break up with my longtime boyfriend- we had the same group of friends, we had most of our classes together, and I had so much of my identity tied up in him- but the decision got easier after I realized how much of myself I was selling short. I realized that I felt trapped in this relationship, and that I was only staying because I was afraid of the aftermath of a break up. Don't sell yourself short in long run because you're afraid of short term consequences.
You are loved, you are valuable, and you are worth someone who knows both of these things. Don't settle for someone because you are afraid that he's the best you'll ever have or because you want a relationship right now. That cheapens love and dulls its true beauty. When the time is right, you'll find someone that loves and respects you, and although they won't be perfect and neither will you, you will be so grateful to yourself that you didn't settle for less than you deserved or wanted.
Love always,
A Girl Who's Been Where You Are
