To the girl that is always too hard on herself,
Life seems a little chaotic right now for you and it does not seem to be slowing down one bit, but carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders won't help. It is hard living in a world that is constantly pressuring you to change yourself. I know it wasn't this hard when you were younger when the only thing that you worried about was coloring in the lines and if you had the right color crayons to do so. Now you push yourself to stay in shape, study for hours upon hours, work as much as you can, and maintain some sort of social life in the mean time.
Most of your money goes towards a cup of coffee just so that you can keep your eyes open while you study and do homework all hours of the night, not to mention keep you up while you actually go to work because you need as much money as you can get; and the time change won't help this factor at all.
You try to visit the gym as much as you can, or you try to do some type of dieting. Even when you haven't slept basically all night, anyone can find you in the gym. Does how you look actually top how you feel, or the amount of rest you got? Does being in shape take precedence over everything else, or do you just tell yourself that because of how society views fitness today? You see these girls on Instagram with the body that everyone goes crazy over or the Covergirls that every person fantasizes over; you don't have to look like that, though. You push yourself to the limit in order to achieve this image, but practically starving yourself or working out when you have only slept two hours will not get you anywhere. Your mental health is more important than what your body looks like. So just close your eyes and catch up on sleep while you can, and don't be afraid to stuff your face with any food that you want; you're still young, you have enough time to worry about dieting later on down the road.
I get that you need the money to pay for your education, but don't overwhelm yourself. You can take shorter shifts so that you can at least get some rest. You have an entire summer where you can work, and the rest of your workload won't be as heavy.
As far as your mistakes go, don't let them change your mind about yourself. We all make mistakes, and we all learn from them eventually. You can't blame yourself every day for the rest of your life of the mistakes that you have made. Don't let them haunt you, and certainly don 't be hard on yourself because of this. Instead, look at these mistakes and change. Putting pressure on yourself for every little thing you have ever done will follow you around everywhere, and you will never be able to truly live your life. So let them go and don't be so hard on yourself, take a deep breath and move forward.
My advice to you is, stop pushing yourself to your breaking point. Take a step back, breathe and relax. Go out with your friends and have some fun every once in awhile, let all the stress and worries you're carrying around with you disappear for a night. You can't force yourself to fit in with everyone, and you certainly can't push yourself to the point where you can't even stay away throughout the day. Don't be so hard on yourself, not every person is the same so be your own person and show them that you don't have to fit the "perfect image" or "perfect student" idea, it's okay to just kick back and relax.
I understand wanting to test your limits and striving to become who you want to be, but don't let society shape the way that you see yourself; be who you want to be, not who the world wants you to be. Most of all, I am proud and impressed at how strong you are for pushing yourself literally past your limits. Trust me it's okay to take a break, don't be so hard on yourself. Everything will be okay.
