As a part of the human race and more specifically, as a woman, I have often felt like a second choice. An inconvenience. Or something less than what I thought I was.
For anyone who has felt the same way, I'm not here to tell you that you're too good to be anyone's second choice. I'm not going to tell you that people "just don't see your worth" or are intimidated by how wonderful you are.
You will not be everyone's first choice. You will be a second choice. You may even be someone's third or fourth choice. This is in all aspects of life: relationships, jobs, organizations, friends, school, you name it.
I'm not going to lie to make you feel better about yourself. I'm not going to tell you that you are never going to be someone's second choice or that you have every fantastic aspect a person could ever offer.
What I am telling you is that you can never be your own second choice. Over and over again, you have to choose yourself. I know that sounds selfish, but hear me out and maybe you'll understand what I'm trying to say.
Making yourself your own second choice when it comes to who deserves your love is detrimental. Making yourself your own second choice when it comes to who should get that job is destructing. Putting yourself second in these moments of your life destroys your confidence and your ability to be more than just having potential.
If you don't believe in yourself, why should anyone else?
As a disclaimer, I am not saying that you should always put your interest before the interests of others. I'm saying that you have to love yourself first and love yourself enough. Then, you need to spread that love and that sacrifice to others. The more you love yourself, the more love you have to give others. The more you lift yourself up, the more you can lift others up.
You can't be your own enemy. You can't keep telling yourself that you're not good enough. Or pretty enough. Or interesting enough. Or qualified enough. Or skinny enough. Or smart enough.
Because you're going to go through your whole life hearing those things from other people. You shouldn't have to hear it from yourself too.
I'm so sorry that the guy you've been dating picked someone other than you. I'm sorry that you didn't get that job or that opportunity because you're a woman or because the CEO didn't like you. I'm sorry that you were your friend's second choice to go see that movie with. I'm sorry you didn't get into that school or that organization. I'm sorry people didn't believe in you and I'm sorry that people still don't.
Trust me, I've been there.
Throughout all of the condescending voices. The hurt. The worthlessness. I realized that I couldn't be against myself too. We live in a world where we will often times be a second choice, so we have to make sure that we're not our own. We have to make sure that we're not listening to what everyone else has to say about us.
So for the girl who always feels like a second choice: you are not always a second choice. You'll be a first choice a lot and, yes, a second choice a lot. You'll even be a third choice too. However, that can't be where you find your value.
You are so much more than what some people will give you credit for.
And only one person has to know that:
You.
