I know how you feel, sadly.
Father-daughter bond? I wish I had it. I always remembered crying out for my dad, but he never showed up. He would always tell me he would come get me one weekend, but y’know, he would make up an excuse as the time got closer. In the hard times, I’d cry out for him. Good times, I’d cry out for him.
That one friend that you have would always talk about their bond with their dad, guess who would lie and say that they had the same bond? I did. I always wondered what that feeling was really like. I always wondered how could a girl love their dad so much that it literally made their heart explode.
I am not so blessed. I use to think that I was a daddy’s girl when I was a kid, but honestly, I never was. Have you ever became a second choice to your father? I have. He was never around. He was never in my life.
He was never the type of father that a man should be. He didn’t set an example for me. He didn’t show me what or how a man should treat me. He didn’t show me that unconditional love like my mom did. My mom was my dad. As bad as that sounds.
I usually refer to him as my sperm donor. Why? Because he was never a dad. He didn’t show me the love that a father should have. I was an option. I was never his daughter. He chose other women over me, he chose THEIR kids over me, he chose kids that wasn’t even his.
I mean, how would you feel? It’s horrible. I will never understand why he was like that, but I guess everything happens for a reason. I guess some things just don’t work out the way we would want them to.
I guess the saying is true. God does things for a reason. There is a reason that he’s not a part of my life, there is a reason that my mom was my mother and father.
I always told myself from the get-go, that if I was to ever have a child, that I’d pray that she wouldn’t have to go through what I did as a child and still till this day. Luckily she doesn’t. My daughter and her father have a bond that I adore.
I blame my sperm donor for the reason that I cannot love my husband the way that he deserves. I struggle to love him. I mean, how can I love a man when I never was showed what love was from a man that was supposed to be my protector?
I struggle every single day to love my husband and to accept love from him. I will always struggle. I am not able to let go and I wish that I could. Thankfully, he understands.
So to those that have their father...BE THAKFUL!
