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Poetry On Odyssey: To The Girl That I Am When It Rains

A note from one me to another.

Illieona Hallenbeck

May 01, 2018

Austin Peay State University

Lina Skoldmor

To the girl that I am when it rains,

For the one that’s lost sight of the beauty surrounding her.
the one that is blind to the flame within herself.
that can’t drag herself further from bed than is necessary to survive.
to the girl that I am when I am sad,

I am not sorry.
I am not sorry for spending all your money. I am not sorry for wasting beautiful hours of motivation and energy on shopping and exploring and listening to music and playing outside and reading and coloring and eating candy and ice cream. I am not sorry for not doing my homework or cleaning or running those important errands. I am not sorry for making major decisions in a split second. I am not sorry for doing all the things you deem irresponsible. I am not sorry for leaving all the important things for you. I am not sorry for leaving you to deal with the consequences of the storm of careless chaos that I live in.
I am not sorry for doing the things you want to do.
I am not sorry because you need me.

You need me to do these things.
If I didn’t spend all your money why would you ever go to work? If I didn’t buy you clothes you feel beautiful in how would you ever step out of the house confidently? If I didn’t buy you all the food I know you find delicious, why would you ever go through the hassle of eating? And if I spent my free hours being responsible why would you ever get out of bed? If I didn’t have fun, why would you ever want to leave the warmth of the darkness you find peace in?

The you that is happy does what she does to take care of you.
The you that is happy does what she does to inspire you. She is more thoughtful than you know. The you that is happy is more careful than she lets on. The you that is happy knows where you are strong and where you are not. She does what she does to take care of you. And though you may curse my name for causing you stress or forcing you out, for forgetting this and ignoring that. For being the one having all the fun and sticking you with the responsibility- it is with gratitude. Though you may not know it there, you may not feel it, I know there is appreciation under your frustration. With out me you would never claw your way out from the dark.

So, to the girl that I am when I am sad,
To the girl that I am when it rains,

You’re welcome.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Poetry On Odyssey: To The Girl That I Am When It Rains

A note from one me to another.

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No matter how old you are.

1. Build a snowman

2. Start a snowball fight

3. Build a fort

4. Binge-watch Netflix

4. Look out the window

5. Grab coffee with a friend

6. Complete school or office work

7. Sleep

8. Read a book

9. Bake cookies

10. Drink hot cocoa

11. Go ice skating

12. Take a Walk

"I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."

1. When you look at the syllabus and realize there are only three weeks of the semester left; even though the first day was LITERALLY yesterday.

2. You look at your grades and realize they probably aren't as high as they should be, which is a terrifying realization.

3. When you think to yourself at night, "tomorrow, I will wake up early and go to the library ALL day, and, hell, maybe after I'll go to the gym for a little bit, just to push myself that extra mile."

4. Tomorrow actually comes. The inevitable and overpowering sense of procrastination is too strong to overcome.

5. But you DO end up going to the library. Not all day though, but still, a while. But no, you do not go to the gym. Still, you made an effort, so you decide to treat yo' self.

6. When you realize you need to schedule a meeting with your adviser because you need to sign up for classes next semester. But you also realize that since you waited until the last minute, you're going to get stuck with all of the crappy classes.

7. When you low-key try to slip into conversation with your professors that you need extra credit because you're that desperate.

8. When it's already the third time you've seen your adviser in two days because you have no damn clue what you're doing and need all the help you can get.

9. When you apply for a job associated with your major even though you have no experience, but you just want to dive headfirst into the deep end of adulthood and get it over with.

The world is not always sunshine and rainbows, and you do not have to be, either.

It would be so much easier to just pay someone to do it for you

1. Figuring out when to start

2. Searching through list after list to get everything you need

3. Shopping for deals

4. Getting bins to put everything in

5. Figuring what you can’t live without

6. Going through clothes to find what you need

7. Finding out your siblings took something from you

8. Fighting with your parents.

9. Trying to plan things with your roommate

10. The fear of forgetting something

11. Move in day

Relatable moments from one of the best shows I have ever watched.

1. When you fail that midterm you studied so hard for.

2. When your crush finally texts back.

3. When payday comes around.

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5. When someone takes your unassigned assigned seat.

6. When your favorite character in your favorite TV series dies.

7. When that guy/girl you’ve been crushing on agrees to go on a date with you.

8. When you have so much to do, and such little motivation to do it.

9. When someone asks for your last fry.

10. When you try a new health-food craze.

11. When you get new clothing.

12. When you check your bank account.

13. When they're serving good food in the dining hall.

14. When someone tries to tell you what to do.

15. Or just your thoughts about life in general.

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