An open letter to the friend who broke my heart:

Hi. I have been trying to find the words to say to you, about you, for the longest time. I have struggled for so long to find the courage to speak to you and to tell you how I am feeling. The silence is so ironically strange, because not long ago, speaking to you about my struggles was more natural to me than tying my own shoe. Maybe one day I will find the strength to face you in person.

Our story started like any other. We met in middle school when we were both looking for new friends in a place that was so foreign. A year later we sat together at lunch and it was not long at all before I called you one of my best friends.

We were so alike that it seemed we were destined to be friends. Through the years we shared everything: we watched the same TV shows, read the same books, went to the same classes and walked to them all together. We joined the same clubs. Every minute that we could be together, we were.

We fought, but like real friends there was never a time when we did not get through it. Days of not speaking to each other turned into looking at each other one morning, hugging, and whispering teary apologies. Whenever either of us struggled with anything the other was their crying shoulder. It did not take long for one of us to get the other smiling and laughing again. No struggle was too impassible so long as you were by my side.

I thought you were going to be in my bridal party. We would joke about it. We would joke about babysitting each others kids. I dedicated a candle to you at my sweet sixteen and you danced with me all night. We wrote so much in each others' yearbooks that we had to squeeze in tiny print to fit it all on one page. I cried so much that I nearly smudged the ink. We were destined to do more than just be friends. We were destined to navigate the universe together. That is what best friends are for.

I had noticed you fading away from me for a while before you left. A few months before the fallout, however, we had a fight about it and then we were closer than ever before. I remember crying in the last weeks of school because we were finally going to be close again only for us to graduate and leave each other. But every time it happened I reminded myself that being in different schools would not stop us from staying friends forever.

I do not know how to address this. I could tell you about how my heart shattered into pieces the day I realized you were ignoring my texts again. I could tell you about the countless nights I spent crying my eyes out because I could not bear the thought of losing you. I could tell you about the night I got so angry that I smashed my cup from McDonald's on the kitchen counter. But I think the best way to sum it up all into one is to tell you that no matter how badly you hurt me, I still have not ever been able to stop loving you. That is the matter that makes all the feelings so strong. We loved each other so much that even after you broke my heart, I still love you. So I am hurt, angry and heartbroken at the notion that you could let go of a love that was that strong.

How could you abandon all those years of memories? Why did you decide that I was not worth it anymore? Did all the things you ever said to me really mean something to you; and if they did, how could you decide to bring us to an end after you said all of them. All those questions unanswered and my biggest one is still "Why?" We never had a final fight. One day we were still talking and the next day my texts were going unanswered. I will never know the answers to those questions. I can speculate all I want but the truth is I will have to go through my life never really knowing why. Six years of friendship lost and because of you I will never have any kind of closure.

I remember reading somewhere once that you know you are in love when "the songs make sense." After I lost you, I learned that the same goes for heartbreak. Suddenly every word in every break up song made perfect sense to me, and any one of them could bring me to tears. I have never been in a romantic relationship but I have had my heartbroken. You taught me that friends can and will break your heart. How ironic is that: you were the person who helped me through any kind of pain and in the end you became the person who showed me just how unbearably painful heartbreak is.

I have struggled for a long time to let you go. I still never fully have. It took every ounce of strength I had to stop texting you, to stop fighting to get something I could never have back. It is still hard. Sometimes I still cannot help but text you and tell you I love you. I wonder what you think when you see those messages and you don't answer them.

I want to let you know some things before I finally say goodbye. First I want to let you know that I am okay. If your intention was to break me beyond repair, then you did not succeed. I have best friends now who love me unconditionally and who are always by my side. As strong as I thought our friendship was back then, I can tell that these are stronger.

Secondly, I am going to be angry for a moment and say that I hope you are proud of what you did. You hurt me. Because of you, I cannot fully trust anyone in a friendship. Because of you, it takes me longer to form friendships for fear of getting hurt. Because of you, I fear being left by friends who deep down I know would never leave me. Because of you, sometimes its even hard to trust my very best friend - my own family. So I hope you are happy you hurt me, because no matter what we went through, I would never dream of hurting you in that way - not intentionally.

Finally, I am going to wish you well. I really hope you are happy and that you are doing well. I hope that you and our friend who you chose over me continue to make good memories together. I hope you live a happy life with friends by your side who will never leave you. I hope you marry someone who looks at you like you are all the stars in the sky. I hope and dream for you all the things I did when we were friends because I am never going to stop loving you.

A part of me will always love you. Over the years, no matter how much the pain fades, I am still going to think of you. I am still going to smile at the memories and then feel a tinge of pain. I could never forget our time: we grew up together. And should you choose to come back to me one day I will still be here. My heart and my home will always be open to you for our entire lives, even though you closed yours to me.

So this is it: I have finally said to you what I need to say and its time for me to move on. Goodbye. Thank you for all the memories and for being my friend through what were some of the best years of my life. I love you.

-Your Forever Friend