There is nothing I love more than volleyball. I live for the workouts and constant practices, and I can’t imagine my life without it. But for the first time in my life, part of me has wanted to quit. My coach quickly dragged me out of my moment of self pity today at practice, but that feeling scared me, because I never thought I would ever feel like quitting the thing I love the most. But after a serious reflection, I remembered why I am still playing, and realized that quitting is not the answer.

My story starts with the little fifth grader who first picked up a volleyball in gym class and never wanted to put it back down again. I played throughout middle school, but only learned the very basics of volleyball. I went to a very small private school, where academics were the top priority, and sports were not all that competitive. The same thing happened when I went to high school. My freshman year was a disaster, and I had a coach who just did not understand the game of volleyball, and there was so much team drama that I almost wanted to stop playing. But I never seriously considered quitting because I was a firm believer that the next year would be better. And I was definitely right. My sophomore year, we got a new coach who was truly unlike any coach I had ever had before. I remember the first day of two-a-days, my parents were late to pick me up from the morning practice, and my new coach had to wait around until every kid was picked up. I just remember apologizing more and more to my new coach with every minute that my parents were late. When I came back to the second practice of the day, I timidly went up to my coach and yet again apologized for making him stay later. His response was, and I quote, “You should be sorry, because I was late to my meeting, and I lost my job because of you”. I was speechless and literally started sobbing right there. At this the coach said “listen, I didn’t actually get fired, I’m making you mentally tough”. And for the rest of the season, he did just that. I became stronger mentally and physically, and I grew to love the game even more. But the moment it hit me was when we played our fourth game of that season. We fought the whole game and were losing, when our coach gave us a pep talk and told us to forget the score and to just play our game and give it everything we had. We managed to win in five sets, and I can still look back on that game and remember why I now love volleyball so much. That was the first time I understood what it felt like to be a part of a team. What it meant to work hard and never let up, even when it looked like we were going to lose. The rush of making an impossible dig, and a perfect pass to the setter is what has kept me going. From that moment, volleyball became more than sport to me.

Unfortunately, that amazing coach left my junior year, and for the next two years I did not even play my position. I had a new coach who somehow thought that a 5 ft. 3 in. libero who could barely jump, was better off as an outside hitter. But I digress. The point is that I took 20 steps backwards, and found myself frustrated because all I wanted to do was get better. My parents never really thought that club was important, or that I was serious about playing volleyball in college because I still thought that I wanted to go to Notre Dame. However, at the beginning of my senior season, a college coach from a very small school, watched me play and told me that he thought I was definitely good enough to play at a small college. My dream of going to Notre Dame suddenly changed, and all I wanted was to continue to play in college. I knew I was behind, but I thought that by playing a year of club I would somehow catch up. I was right, and I was wrong.

I had applied to a ton of small schools, and at one of them I had been given a half tuition academic scholarship. All that was missing was volleyball. The coach there was somewhat interested in me, and said that she would take a look at some of my footage and then watch me play at my next club tournament. After not hearing back for a few weeks, I got an email wishing me the best of luck with my volleyball career, but that the university had no room for me in the program. I was devastated and cried for days. Just when I thought I would never play volleyball again, the coach from the University of Saint Francis emailed me saying he had room for a walk on. I met my now current coach, and was ecstatic when he said he would take me. I had a fantastic freshman year, where I played on the JV team, and fell even more in love with the sport and my team. Now that it is summer, all I have wanted was to get better. I want to help our team eventually win a national championship, and I want to be good at the sport I love. I never thought I would get the chance to play in college, so I haven’t really been worried about playing time, and I have been so grateful for every minute I have gotten to continue to play. However, with all of the summer workouts, I have hit a rut. I am improving, but I am frustrated that I am not where I want to be. Today at practice all I could think was that I wish I could go back to high school and have started playing club from the beginning. I wish I were naturally more talented, and I wish I were a better athlete.

I had a meltdown today at practice, and talked to one of my coaches after workouts, and told him everything I was feeling. He told me to look back and remember the minute I fell in love with this sport. He told me to remember that whether it is JV or Varsity, I have the opportunity to play the sport I love for a few more years. And he told me that I can’t go back and change my circumstances, but I can continue to work harder and give it my all. He told me that if I can walk out the door after workouts and honestly say I gave it my all, and that I made an effort to get better that day, then that is all anyone can ask from me. He also told me that things always work out the way they are supposed to, and to just keep pushing through, even when I get frustrated. So to all of you frustrated athletes out there, know that you are not alone. Everyone’s story is different, but somewhere we all had a moment or an experience that has made us fall in love with our sport. Hold onto that moment when you are frustrated, and keep pushing forward because the hard work will pay off in the end. No one has ever regretted not quitting. When you fall down, get back up again, because it's in these moments that we grow the most.