To the friends I watched destroy themselves, this is an open letter to you.
To the friend who battled every day with her demons she called depression; you are strong. You are what gave me life in my dark times. I watched you fight within yourself but wear the wounds on your skin, I watched as you slowly started to smile more despite any attempt to make you happy. I watched the light drain from your eyes day by day and no matter how much I begged and pleaded with the demons to leave you alone they still haunt you to this day. You are strong.
To the friend who thought she needed to lose weight so much she starved herself, you are beautiful. You made me laugh every time we were together and I still laugh looking back. I watched as your cheeks sunk and your bones poked through your skin. I'm sorry I couldn't do more to make you feel like you were enough as you were, I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel happier in your own skin. I watched as you dragged through each day with less and less energy until you finally left us for a place we could never see you. You were beautiful.
To the friend who put her lover's happiness before her own, you are enough. Although there were never any bruises, he sure left his mark. I never truly realized how relationships could ruin a person until I saw how you would throw yourself into the street so he didn't have to wait too long on the sidewalk to cross. Your heart would sink every time his phone would buzz, yet you stayed because he threatened to put a gun in his mouth if you left. That isn't love. You would flinch anytime anyone moved a little too fast, even though he didn't hit you; you knew that he would some day. I watched as you asked yourself why you weren't enough for him the way you were, not how he wanted you to be. I watched as you asked yourself what was wrong with you when he started coming home late stinking of the perfume of someone else. That isn't love. I watched as you unknowingly sabotaged every relationship after him, because he still had his grips in you that you never escaped from. You are enough.
To the friend who sought happiness in pills because she couldn't handle her everyday life, you are loved. I watched as the "experimenting" soon turned into withdrawals from pills you could no longer afford. I watched as you would spend the spare money you had on substances that were slowly destroying your mind and body. I'm sorry you felt as if you were so alone that you took pills to make you see people that were no longer there. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most. You are the best friend I've ever had and not a day goes by that I do not miss our friendship. You are so loved.
To the friends who sought happiness by destroying themselves, you are everything to me. I hope that one day you find happiness in yourselves.
