Look. I get it.
He makes your heart pound and your stomach writhe with butterflies. We've all been there.
I also understand picking him over your friends on occasion. But only on occasion. On occasion doesn't mean every time I ask you to hang out. On occasion doesn't mean you cancel our plans to hang out with him.
We were attached at the hip. And now it's he who is attached. Like a leech, sucking out everything in your life that was you. I don't even recognize you anymore. I should never have let it get this far. I should've slapped you out of the trance he had you in when I could. But I didn't. I was too scared of losing you as my friend.
I was scared of losing the sleepovers. Or that I wouldn't have anyone to talk to when some boy hurt me. I wouldn't have anyone to tell me I was being an idiot when I was being one. No more ten p.m. ice cream. No more shared secrets. No more us.
I have a feeling that things would've ended up this way, no matter what I did. I could feel you drifting, changing, as soon as he stepped into your life. I knew things would change, I knew we would change. But I never imagined not being your friend.
For a while it seemed everything was okay, but it didn't take long for me to see otherwise. Wherever you went, he went. I needed to talk, he was there in the background. It didn't matter how much I needed to talk to you alone, he was always there. And I know you told him things I told you not to. I know you told him things that I needed to stay private.
It hurts. Watching you treat that boy like he's the only thing that matters in the world. It hurts knowing that you don't care that you hurt your friends. It hurts watching you make stupid mistakes. It hurts knowing we probably won't ever be the same again.
I don't know what's going on behind closed doors, but from the outside it doesn't look so good. I need you to know that you're worth more than cheap date nights. You deserve the freedom of going out with your friends, without the leech. You deserve to be who you are, not what he tells you to be.
I miss the girl who dyed her hair just because she was bored of the color brown. I miss the girl who jammed in the car to alternative rock and didn't give a care if the neighborhood didn't like the music. I miss the girl that put her friends before anything else. She was fun. She was set on her future. She was determined to be something more than what others said she could be.
You can get that person back. I know you can. But it's something you're going to have to do on your own. Because if you were going to listen to anyone, you would've stopped choosing him before anyone else.
I forgive you. I love you. And I'll be here when you find yourself again.
